Yesterday I woke up and realised that something terrible has happened.
I missed the end of the world.
*
*
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No, seriously. Remember Harold Camping? The guy I wrote about in Armageddon that Didn't Happen and Apocalypse Schmapocalypse? After his May 21 Rapture failed to materialise, he annouced that it's only 6 months respite and the world will actually end on October 21.
You may have noticed (from the articles above if nothing else) how I'm a huge Camping fan. I find it amazing that the guy preaches, is heard and given money. Real, tangible, cold cash, paid to Camping's organisation in hope of (I presume) redemption before the Big Day. Un-be-lie-va-ble.
With all that, I simply missed the Apocalypse. I didn't notice it happening in any way whatsoever, so... I forgot. I completely ignored the Big Day.
Now, that's the kind of Armageddon I like.
Tuesday 13 December 2011
Monday 12 December 2011
Charitable outrage
Ho, ho, ho, Christmas is almost upon us and so are unnumerable charity collectors with their jingling boxes. No shop entrance is safe anymore, a busy street on a typical day sprouts at least ten of those dearest creatures and I even found a nativity scene in my local Tesco with a poorbox smartly tucked away in the corner. I do get irritated by those charity enforcers. I usually ignore them, but this year I wanted to actually say something about it, hence my lens Charity - to give or not to give?.
I started work on this article only mildly pissed off by the jingling boxes, but I did some research on the subject and what I found out turned me purple with rage. I found a website, 'charity navigator', which evaluates American charities, shows basics of each organisation's accounts and... salary of a top person. I nearly fainted when I saw those figures. $250,000 seems to be a standard pay, but more talented individuals cash in more than half a million bucks. Your bucks, dear reader, the very same money that you gave to this nice looking guy who told you some touching stories about poor kiddies and hungry souls, and how your donation will help save lives.
Yes, well, I agree that saving the children starts with your own home, but I don't think a shark pool is a necessary accessory for healthy growing up. I mean - what do they spend this kind of money on? A diamond studded toilet bowl? A ferrari for each family member?
You know what's the very ugliest thing in the whole business? People who GIVE to charity usually are not very well off themselves. They tend to understand suffering and poverty better, because it's not too far from their own doors. Many, many of them could probably use help of some charity themselves. And it's off their money that CEO's check is being paid.
I don't expect some big fish in a charity organisation to read this post and experience a change of heart - if you do something as disgusting, you probably carry a lump of stone in your chest and appealing to your conscience is no use. Instead, I hope some of you, dear donors, will read this carefully, draw your conclusions and perhaps hesitate before giving. Maybe ask some questions. Find out more about the organisation you want to support.
I tend to follow a simple rule when giving money to charity - if the collector looks better fed than me, I keep my wallet closed.
Oh, I almost forgot. This post is rather stingy on names, figures and other details, but the lens that was born out of all this research is just the opposite. I actually trawled through the list of charities that Squidoo donates to and listed salaries of presidents/CEOs/chairmen of all I could find. Do have a look, it's an eye-opener.
I started work on this article only mildly pissed off by the jingling boxes, but I did some research on the subject and what I found out turned me purple with rage. I found a website, 'charity navigator', which evaluates American charities, shows basics of each organisation's accounts and... salary of a top person. I nearly fainted when I saw those figures. $250,000 seems to be a standard pay, but more talented individuals cash in more than half a million bucks. Your bucks, dear reader, the very same money that you gave to this nice looking guy who told you some touching stories about poor kiddies and hungry souls, and how your donation will help save lives.
Yes, well, I agree that saving the children starts with your own home, but I don't think a shark pool is a necessary accessory for healthy growing up. I mean - what do they spend this kind of money on? A diamond studded toilet bowl? A ferrari for each family member?
You know what's the very ugliest thing in the whole business? People who GIVE to charity usually are not very well off themselves. They tend to understand suffering and poverty better, because it's not too far from their own doors. Many, many of them could probably use help of some charity themselves. And it's off their money that CEO's check is being paid.
I don't expect some big fish in a charity organisation to read this post and experience a change of heart - if you do something as disgusting, you probably carry a lump of stone in your chest and appealing to your conscience is no use. Instead, I hope some of you, dear donors, will read this carefully, draw your conclusions and perhaps hesitate before giving. Maybe ask some questions. Find out more about the organisation you want to support.
I tend to follow a simple rule when giving money to charity - if the collector looks better fed than me, I keep my wallet closed.
Oh, I almost forgot. This post is rather stingy on names, figures and other details, but the lens that was born out of all this research is just the opposite. I actually trawled through the list of charities that Squidoo donates to and listed salaries of presidents/CEOs/chairmen of all I could find. Do have a look, it's an eye-opener.
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Inspiration through anger
I find anger inspiring. Am I strange?
No, seriously. Recently I have discovered that disagreement boosts my creativity sky high. I actually noticed it when visiting certain forum - I realised that I find posts I generally agree with extremely boring, but statements I want to argue with make me think like crazy.
A useful piece of self-awareness, if I've ever seen one. At least I can be grateful for all the shouting matches I've been through.
I also enjoy writing angry-ish articles (as you've probably noticed if you've read more of this blog). An obvious consequence of boosted creativity, I suppose.
Just to make it clear - angry doesn't necessarily mean rude (I have another outlet for that). I can even get away with G rating most of the time :).
It's impossible to look around and NOT TO get angry, I'm afraid. I think it's ok - if you channel your anger, it helps you change things.
My recent favourite anger source is unethical advertising. I'm right after publishing a full-fledged article titled 'How not to fall for bullshit advertising' (bullshit spelled BS for censorship reasons) and I'm actually quite proud of it. I think I will work some more on the subject. While ranting is extremely pleasant, I also have some solutions in mind - I'm researching the subject of ethical, decent advertising. We'll see where it gets me.
A note to you, dear reader - when I'm angry, I tend to be funny, so if you feel like being entertained, do check one of my Squidoo rants. So far I have been publicly spewing venom at the Internet, job interviews, apocalypse scares, halloween and Internet users' inability to criticise.
I also write 'nice' articles', but rants are so much more interesting!
No, seriously. Recently I have discovered that disagreement boosts my creativity sky high. I actually noticed it when visiting certain forum - I realised that I find posts I generally agree with extremely boring, but statements I want to argue with make me think like crazy.
A useful piece of self-awareness, if I've ever seen one. At least I can be grateful for all the shouting matches I've been through.
I also enjoy writing angry-ish articles (as you've probably noticed if you've read more of this blog). An obvious consequence of boosted creativity, I suppose.
Just to make it clear - angry doesn't necessarily mean rude (I have another outlet for that). I can even get away with G rating most of the time :).
It's impossible to look around and NOT TO get angry, I'm afraid. I think it's ok - if you channel your anger, it helps you change things.
My recent favourite anger source is unethical advertising. I'm right after publishing a full-fledged article titled 'How not to fall for bullshit advertising' (bullshit spelled BS for censorship reasons) and I'm actually quite proud of it. I think I will work some more on the subject. While ranting is extremely pleasant, I also have some solutions in mind - I'm researching the subject of ethical, decent advertising. We'll see where it gets me.
A note to you, dear reader - when I'm angry, I tend to be funny, so if you feel like being entertained, do check one of my Squidoo rants. So far I have been publicly spewing venom at the Internet, job interviews, apocalypse scares, halloween and Internet users' inability to criticise.
I also write 'nice' articles', but rants are so much more interesting!
Saturday 19 November 2011
Christmas. Rubbish.
Blah, it's that time of the year again. Jingle damn bells and purses, buy, buy, buy, all in the name of our saviour. Yuck.
You know, I can quite live with Christmas itself. It lasts ONE DAY (say two if you will. Say three. Say even twelve, it's still far far away from what we're being served in all public spaces - if, due to salespeople of this world, Christmas starts on November 2nd, by the end of the month I'm sick of this stupid holiday and by the day itself I get a rash at the very sight of a Christmas tree. It's all your fault, Mr. Salesman!). It means mainly spending some time with my close family, with bloody good food in the background, with a possible walk along the blissfully empty streets later on. Fine by me. But...
I don't get excited by the whole show. I mean, what's so damn special about stupid tinsel (or holly, or stockings or whatever is the coolest Christmas gadget where you live)? I was happily buying the whole story until I was about 6 years old. Then I moved on. We live and learn. At least, some of us do...
I'm the least likely person in the world to fall a victim of Christmas advertisers. I'm simply bullshit-proof, at least when it comes to marketing, advertising and the likes. Even if I wasn't - most of the stuff on offer is so terribly, painfully kitschy and crappy that I have trouble believing someone actually buys it. Well, they do. Whatever happened to you, dear world... Anyway, if I'm committed NOT TO buy a thing before Christmas, why on Earth am I still bombarded with Christmas advertising? (And I don't really care whether you disguise it as an 'informative article' or not.) Why I cannot walk the street, visit a cafe or greengrocer's, read a paper, or check the Web without seeing or hearing Christmas advertising?
Now, a few messages for the businesspeople out there:
1. If I hear a Christmas carol coming from your shop, I won't enter unless I absolutely have to
2. If you try to sell me the 'Christmas spirit' bullshit, you will authomatically get onto my 'avoid' list
3. I will never buy anything marked as 'Christmas special'. I KNOW you're trying to rip me off, sunshine.
I know many people who think and act likewise. I will do my best to ensure there's more and more of them, so that they can spread the idea even further.
Consider yourself warned.
You know, I can quite live with Christmas itself. It lasts ONE DAY (say two if you will. Say three. Say even twelve, it's still far far away from what we're being served in all public spaces - if, due to salespeople of this world, Christmas starts on November 2nd, by the end of the month I'm sick of this stupid holiday and by the day itself I get a rash at the very sight of a Christmas tree. It's all your fault, Mr. Salesman!). It means mainly spending some time with my close family, with bloody good food in the background, with a possible walk along the blissfully empty streets later on. Fine by me. But...
I don't get excited by the whole show. I mean, what's so damn special about stupid tinsel (or holly, or stockings or whatever is the coolest Christmas gadget where you live)? I was happily buying the whole story until I was about 6 years old. Then I moved on. We live and learn. At least, some of us do...
I'm the least likely person in the world to fall a victim of Christmas advertisers. I'm simply bullshit-proof, at least when it comes to marketing, advertising and the likes. Even if I wasn't - most of the stuff on offer is so terribly, painfully kitschy and crappy that I have trouble believing someone actually buys it. Well, they do. Whatever happened to you, dear world... Anyway, if I'm committed NOT TO buy a thing before Christmas, why on Earth am I still bombarded with Christmas advertising? (And I don't really care whether you disguise it as an 'informative article' or not.) Why I cannot walk the street, visit a cafe or greengrocer's, read a paper, or check the Web without seeing or hearing Christmas advertising?
Now, a few messages for the businesspeople out there:
1. If I hear a Christmas carol coming from your shop, I won't enter unless I absolutely have to
2. If you try to sell me the 'Christmas spirit' bullshit, you will authomatically get onto my 'avoid' list
3. I will never buy anything marked as 'Christmas special'. I KNOW you're trying to rip me off, sunshine.
I know many people who think and act likewise. I will do my best to ensure there's more and more of them, so that they can spread the idea even further.
Consider yourself warned.
Sunday 6 November 2011
How... boring
A question to all those SEO magicians and web millionaires out there - don't you find it extremely boring??? By 'it' I mean doing all those necessary things to bring traffic to your sites (paid advertisement excluded).
As probably every single webmaster in the world, sometimes I get frustrated by extremely low traffic. A long cursing session is my first aid, but once I've let some steam off, I usually surf around for phrases like 'How to increase traffic' etc. Tips I'm finding are usually pretty much the same: go on Facebook, Twitter, blah blah, be active in the forums, comment on other blogs, submit to directories and so on, ad infinitum. Yeah, right.
I'm not saying it wouldn't work. It might as well. Only it's... so. damn. extremely. BORING!!!
I don't know how it works with other people, but I'm not turned on by shallow socialising. I don't even get close to social networking websites because guess what - all they are is only one big popularity contest. I mean - what the hell, has the whole world suddenly turned into a permanent high school? One would think people grow out of it...
Nope. Apparently they don't.
The whole idea of being active on other blogs, forums etc... I thought leaving comments with the sole purpose of getting backlinks is considered SPAM? Well, of course, you're supposed to PRETEND you're very interested and radiate the oh-no-I'm-not-here-to-get-you-to-visit-my-website-at-all attitude. So, in other words, spam like hell but don't let anyone catch you and never, ever admit you're spamming.
Or directories and other article submission places. Write a short article about nothing (because come on, most of web content is just a lot of blah blah, served in politically correct sauce), then write ANOTHER article on how you wrote the article about nothing and perhaps write an article on writing an article on writing an article... Is this really how it's supposed to go?
How come nobody ever, EVER, mentions things like
- learn to write better. It doesn't mean you're not good, it only means you can get better, right? What's wrong with being a better wordsmith? Guess what, nobody seems to care, ha ha.
- think about your own web-browsing behavior. Think what you're rewarding with your traffic and your attention.
- how come we are all allowed to praise anything to high heaven (regardless of its worth) but any critique is met with howling dogs of communal fury? If this trend continues, I'm going to commit my life to browsing the web and leaving nasty comments on weak websites. Simply because nobody else dares to do it.
And so on.
Writing is great. Interacting with people is - well, if not great, then at least stimulating. Interacting with traffic gatherers is surrounded by a very nasty stench.
So how about - think twice before you publish another article on 'How to bring more traffic to your website'?
Please?
As probably every single webmaster in the world, sometimes I get frustrated by extremely low traffic. A long cursing session is my first aid, but once I've let some steam off, I usually surf around for phrases like 'How to increase traffic' etc. Tips I'm finding are usually pretty much the same: go on Facebook, Twitter, blah blah, be active in the forums, comment on other blogs, submit to directories and so on, ad infinitum. Yeah, right.
I'm not saying it wouldn't work. It might as well. Only it's... so. damn. extremely. BORING!!!
I don't know how it works with other people, but I'm not turned on by shallow socialising. I don't even get close to social networking websites because guess what - all they are is only one big popularity contest. I mean - what the hell, has the whole world suddenly turned into a permanent high school? One would think people grow out of it...
Nope. Apparently they don't.
The whole idea of being active on other blogs, forums etc... I thought leaving comments with the sole purpose of getting backlinks is considered SPAM? Well, of course, you're supposed to PRETEND you're very interested and radiate the oh-no-I'm-not-here-to-get-you-to-visit-my-website-at-all attitude. So, in other words, spam like hell but don't let anyone catch you and never, ever admit you're spamming.
Or directories and other article submission places. Write a short article about nothing (because come on, most of web content is just a lot of blah blah, served in politically correct sauce), then write ANOTHER article on how you wrote the article about nothing and perhaps write an article on writing an article on writing an article... Is this really how it's supposed to go?
How come nobody ever, EVER, mentions things like
- learn to write better. It doesn't mean you're not good, it only means you can get better, right? What's wrong with being a better wordsmith? Guess what, nobody seems to care, ha ha.
- think about your own web-browsing behavior. Think what you're rewarding with your traffic and your attention.
- how come we are all allowed to praise anything to high heaven (regardless of its worth) but any critique is met with howling dogs of communal fury? If this trend continues, I'm going to commit my life to browsing the web and leaving nasty comments on weak websites. Simply because nobody else dares to do it.
And so on.
Writing is great. Interacting with people is - well, if not great, then at least stimulating. Interacting with traffic gatherers is surrounded by a very nasty stench.
So how about - think twice before you publish another article on 'How to bring more traffic to your website'?
Please?
Monday 12 September 2011
Fantasy vs sci-fi
For reasons unknown, libraries and bookshops stubbornly keep on placing sci-fi and fantasy books on the same shelf. I would very much like to know the origins of this custom, find whoever started it and kick his or her ass very severely. It may be undestandable to some extent, but it is also so. damn. irritating.
Anyway, which genre do you prefer? I tend to have mixed feelings here. Book-wise - fantasy all the way, no doubt about it (if only because Terry Pratchett belongs here), but when it comes to movies... With the possible exception of Lord of the Rings, fantasy movies more often than not prove to be disappointing. Aliens are so photogenic :)
What are your own preferences? If you want to speak your mind (and see what others have to say), follow this link and join the epic battle.
Anyway, which genre do you prefer? I tend to have mixed feelings here. Book-wise - fantasy all the way, no doubt about it (if only because Terry Pratchett belongs here), but when it comes to movies... With the possible exception of Lord of the Rings, fantasy movies more often than not prove to be disappointing. Aliens are so photogenic :)
What are your own preferences? If you want to speak your mind (and see what others have to say), follow this link and join the epic battle.
Saturday 10 September 2011
How to survive Ryanair flight
Have you ever flown with Ryanair?
If you have - well, you probably already know all there is to know about this infamous airline.
If you haven't - here's the list of basic facts:
- Ryanair is an Irish airline, operating in western Europe
- It is probably the cheapest and the worst airline in the world
- It is famous for scandalous advertising and impoliteness of the crew
I once flew from Shannon to Bristol for 4 euros, both ways. No more fees included, just 4 euros, and that is why I will always defend their status as the rock bottom cheap airline, howgh. Just keep in mind that bargains like this are an exception, not norm. And, obviously, the journey was a nightmare.
Flights for 50 p are fabulously described in this video, which made me laugh like insane. Highly recommendable.
If you want to know more, follow this link.
If you have - well, you probably already know all there is to know about this infamous airline.
If you haven't - here's the list of basic facts:
- Ryanair is an Irish airline, operating in western Europe
- It is probably the cheapest and the worst airline in the world
- It is famous for scandalous advertising and impoliteness of the crew
I once flew from Shannon to Bristol for 4 euros, both ways. No more fees included, just 4 euros, and that is why I will always defend their status as the rock bottom cheap airline, howgh. Just keep in mind that bargains like this are an exception, not norm. And, obviously, the journey was a nightmare.
Flights for 50 p are fabulously described in this video, which made me laugh like insane. Highly recommendable.
If you want to know more, follow this link.
Thursday 1 September 2011
Probably the easiest rhubarb cake in the world
The humble rhubarb deserves more recognition, wouldn't you agree? Once it grows, it grows like hell and it can be turned into variety of yummy desserts. Yeah, right, everyone knows that.
I tend to get those baking urges from time to time. Rhubarb being in season plus me shopping for veggies equals a big, red-stalked bunch in my kitchen. Usually by the time it gets there, my enthusiasm expires and the thing to do is to utilise it in the fastest and easiest of possible ways. This recipe comes to rescue.
The article itself took got written during the cake's short stay in the oven. I was pissed off and exhausted after writing some really long piece, and I wanted something quick and effective, and I wanted it NOW.
Guess what, both the cake and the article proved a treat.
I tend to get those baking urges from time to time. Rhubarb being in season plus me shopping for veggies equals a big, red-stalked bunch in my kitchen. Usually by the time it gets there, my enthusiasm expires and the thing to do is to utilise it in the fastest and easiest of possible ways. This recipe comes to rescue.
The article itself took got written during the cake's short stay in the oven. I was pissed off and exhausted after writing some really long piece, and I wanted something quick and effective, and I wanted it NOW.
Guess what, both the cake and the article proved a treat.
Tuesday 30 August 2011
200 views!!!
Guess what, I'm getting there. I've just hit 200 views on this blog and I believe it deserves a little dance.
No, I will not host a giveaway to celebrate that. In theory I should, as here I'm allowed to use all the dirty marketing tricks to get traffic/money/fame/villa in Jamaica but guess what - I simply can't digest the language I would have to use. Ooooh, what an opportunity, giving things away for free, just to express my joy, no, it has nothing to do with getting traffic, nothing whatsoever.
But 200 views is cool. Even if these are just accidental 'hit and run' views. The Blog to Make me Money is serving its purpose - it doesn't make me a penny, but it's a lovely dumping platform for all the ad-ish links that would need some skillful lie to place elsewhere.
Oh, if you need some backlinks, my offer of placing them here is still open. Review for review is the current rate.
Dear 200, keep coming.
No, I will not host a giveaway to celebrate that. In theory I should, as here I'm allowed to use all the dirty marketing tricks to get traffic/money/fame/villa in Jamaica but guess what - I simply can't digest the language I would have to use. Ooooh, what an opportunity, giving things away for free, just to express my joy, no, it has nothing to do with getting traffic, nothing whatsoever.
But 200 views is cool. Even if these are just accidental 'hit and run' views. The Blog to Make me Money is serving its purpose - it doesn't make me a penny, but it's a lovely dumping platform for all the ad-ish links that would need some skillful lie to place elsewhere.
Oh, if you need some backlinks, my offer of placing them here is still open. Review for review is the current rate.
Dear 200, keep coming.
I love red
I do! Oh, so much!
If I could wear only one colour, it would be red. If I ever had my own house, my bedroom walls would be red. And bedsheets, too. My car is red (ok, that's purely coincidental). Red, red, red, all the way.
No wonder then that this article appeared in my collection. Funny enough, it all started with those %#&@ bedsheets. Red. Satin. That I don't have but would love to have one day. I obsessed about it for a week or so and finally decided to vent it off by writing about it. Thinking cap on, buzzzz, buzzzz, how to turn the idea into an interesting article....
I believe I ended up without a single word on bedsheets. No public domain pics to suit my needs. But there's plenty of other things red. If you love red too, go check it out.
If I could wear only one colour, it would be red. If I ever had my own house, my bedroom walls would be red. And bedsheets, too. My car is red (ok, that's purely coincidental). Red, red, red, all the way.
No wonder then that this article appeared in my collection. Funny enough, it all started with those %#&@ bedsheets. Red. Satin. That I don't have but would love to have one day. I obsessed about it for a week or so and finally decided to vent it off by writing about it. Thinking cap on, buzzzz, buzzzz, how to turn the idea into an interesting article....
I believe I ended up without a single word on bedsheets. No public domain pics to suit my needs. But there's plenty of other things red. If you love red too, go check it out.
Wednesday 20 July 2011
Porto Zoo - Zoo da Maia
My inner child loves zoos. Whenever I travel, whether it's to cold England or to frying Portugal, I tend to end up in the local zoo. Not surprising then, when a trip to Porto came along, Zoo da Maia was on my itinerary.
It's not so easy to get to, if you believe the local tourist office. For some mysterious reason, the travel people completely fail to market this pleasant and interesting zoo, focusing instead on innumerable Douro cruises and wine cellars.
I may understand a retired German tourist feeling otherwise, but from my point of view - why on Earth would I want to visit a wine cellar? BO-RING! Now a zoo, that's entirely different matter...
Lady behind the desk in Porto's main tourist office gave me a strange look when I asked about the zoo. She went on to explain how it's impossible to get there without a car and how it's nothing special anyway. Rubbish, all the way! A short metro ride gets you almost to the gates of the zoo, and as to the entertainment potential - I loved it. I described it in detail here, but if you don't feel like reading a proper review, let me just tell you that the place was full of shade-giving trees, the animals were presented in a very approachable way, seal show was delightful and the whole thing was reasonably priced.
It remains unknown why the tourist office clerks want to strip your stay in Porto from all the fun (although I do have my suspicions).
It's not so easy to get to, if you believe the local tourist office. For some mysterious reason, the travel people completely fail to market this pleasant and interesting zoo, focusing instead on innumerable Douro cruises and wine cellars.
I may understand a retired German tourist feeling otherwise, but from my point of view - why on Earth would I want to visit a wine cellar? BO-RING! Now a zoo, that's entirely different matter...
Lady behind the desk in Porto's main tourist office gave me a strange look when I asked about the zoo. She went on to explain how it's impossible to get there without a car and how it's nothing special anyway. Rubbish, all the way! A short metro ride gets you almost to the gates of the zoo, and as to the entertainment potential - I loved it. I described it in detail here, but if you don't feel like reading a proper review, let me just tell you that the place was full of shade-giving trees, the animals were presented in a very approachable way, seal show was delightful and the whole thing was reasonably priced.
It remains unknown why the tourist office clerks want to strip your stay in Porto from all the fun (although I do have my suspicions).
Tuesday 19 July 2011
Armageddon that didn't happen
Armageddon and all sorts of Apocalypses are some of my favourite subjects. I love catastrophic movies, and I have this particular trait - I dream in disasters. Earthquakes, volcanoes, wars, plane crashes, pandemies, tsunamis, you name it - my dreams have it all. Once I was rather scared by all this mayhem and woke shuddering every second night or so, now I got used to my dreaming patterns and treat it more like my very own movie theatre.
I follow a few volcanic/catastrophic blogs and watched BBC non stop for a day or two right after the Japanese earthquake happened. Disasters are awe-inspiring in their power. I even wrote an article listing the likely and the unlikely ways in which the end of our times may arrive.
But I draw a line at Harold Campings of this world. Long before Camping's promised Rapture Day, I was wondering - where will the poor guy hide on May 22nd? Or will he be cheeky enough to emerge in public and say something like - oops, miscalculation (guess what - he did just that!).
Anyway, May 21st came and went, and I vented my feelings here, right after the ominous date.
I follow a few volcanic/catastrophic blogs and watched BBC non stop for a day or two right after the Japanese earthquake happened. Disasters are awe-inspiring in their power. I even wrote an article listing the likely and the unlikely ways in which the end of our times may arrive.
But I draw a line at Harold Campings of this world. Long before Camping's promised Rapture Day, I was wondering - where will the poor guy hide on May 22nd? Or will he be cheeky enough to emerge in public and say something like - oops, miscalculation (guess what - he did just that!).
Anyway, May 21st came and went, and I vented my feelings here, right after the ominous date.
Monday 18 July 2011
How to make great coffee
Coffee and me go back a long time and our relationship has been pretty stormy. There was a time, good few years ago, when coffee was not enough - I implemented the daily intake of caffeine with 3-4 energy drinks which (you can probably guess) only left me poorer and craving for more. There was a long period of rather bland, boring, but oh-so-quick instant coffee - two spoonfuls of coffee powder, two of sugar, fill half with water and half with milk, drink by the bucket.
Then there was another time when I divorced my coffee completely - I was on 3-4 cups of coffee during an office day and it made me feel invariably awful. For a short while I've become an anti-caffeine zealot, not only abstaining from drinking any, but also preaching near and far on eternal damnation unless you quit NOW. I do tend to be weird.
Then two things happened and suddenly coffee stopped being a menace. My days in the office were over, and so was constant stress that goes arm in arm with corporate employment. And I discovered the French press.
Instant coffee is a thing that happens to me very rarely these days and I don't miss it one bit. Now, the glorious, pitch-black liquid that pours out of my French press each morning.... Mmmmm... I don't get out of bed without it (not for longer that it takes to make it, that is). It's not even the caffeine (although I did read that the content is disctinctly higher than that of the instant mud) - it's a feast for the senses. Taste, smell, bitterish smoothness warming my mouth - it was an instant addiction. Trust me, there is no better coffee than French pressed coffee*. Try it out.
*Ok, pressure brewing may rival French press. But it's a question of spending 10 bucks versus 1000 bucks...
Then there was another time when I divorced my coffee completely - I was on 3-4 cups of coffee during an office day and it made me feel invariably awful. For a short while I've become an anti-caffeine zealot, not only abstaining from drinking any, but also preaching near and far on eternal damnation unless you quit NOW. I do tend to be weird.
Then two things happened and suddenly coffee stopped being a menace. My days in the office were over, and so was constant stress that goes arm in arm with corporate employment. And I discovered the French press.
Instant coffee is a thing that happens to me very rarely these days and I don't miss it one bit. Now, the glorious, pitch-black liquid that pours out of my French press each morning.... Mmmmm... I don't get out of bed without it (not for longer that it takes to make it, that is). It's not even the caffeine (although I did read that the content is disctinctly higher than that of the instant mud) - it's a feast for the senses. Taste, smell, bitterish smoothness warming my mouth - it was an instant addiction. Trust me, there is no better coffee than French pressed coffee*. Try it out.
*Ok, pressure brewing may rival French press. But it's a question of spending 10 bucks versus 1000 bucks...
Friday 15 July 2011
How to turn your garbage into a garden
My garden grows mostly in plastic cola bottles, cut in half. There is also a few plastic fruit punnets, a milk carton or two (three? four even?), some profitrole boxes and, until recently, my strawberry seedlings were developing vigorously in a rectangular plastic thing that once held carrot cake. With cream cheese frosting.
See, so far I'm only flirting with gardening love. I'm quite not sure if we'll stay together for life or is it just a one-year stand. Totally conscious of this fact, I thought it foolish to splash out on tens (if not hundreds) of pots and pans from gardening centre. Being permanently broke might have added something to the equation, yes.
When you think of requirements for a growing container, what do you need? It needs to be reasonably waterproof. With a bottom easy to pierce through (whatever you may think, drainage IS important - I've learnt it the hard way). It needs to be fairly big - my experiments of growing radishes in empty egg boxes did not bring satisfactory results. There's a few more requirements but after I've considered them all, the solution presented itself like a good old revelation - GARBAGE BAG! Plenty of good growing pots there.
Primo - plants grow like crazy (see a picture if you don't believe). Secundo - I'm being green, prolonging life of all sorts of rubbish bits for those few months and not adding to the already overflowing landfills. Tertio - I haven't spent a penny. Nothing, nada, it all came my way totally free.
I call it a good deal. How about you?
See, so far I'm only flirting with gardening love. I'm quite not sure if we'll stay together for life or is it just a one-year stand. Totally conscious of this fact, I thought it foolish to splash out on tens (if not hundreds) of pots and pans from gardening centre. Being permanently broke might have added something to the equation, yes.
When you think of requirements for a growing container, what do you need? It needs to be reasonably waterproof. With a bottom easy to pierce through (whatever you may think, drainage IS important - I've learnt it the hard way). It needs to be fairly big - my experiments of growing radishes in empty egg boxes did not bring satisfactory results. There's a few more requirements but after I've considered them all, the solution presented itself like a good old revelation - GARBAGE BAG! Plenty of good growing pots there.
Primo - plants grow like crazy (see a picture if you don't believe). Secundo - I'm being green, prolonging life of all sorts of rubbish bits for those few months and not adding to the already overflowing landfills. Tertio - I haven't spent a penny. Nothing, nada, it all came my way totally free.
I call it a good deal. How about you?
Monday 11 July 2011
Chocolat
Do you remember the movie Chocolat, starring Johnny Depp and Juliette Binoche? I believe that it made quite a stir when it came out back in the year 2000. Definitely from the 'light and pleasant' shelf, yet with this particular kind of magic that makes watching it an unforgettable experience...
Hah, did you notice what a smooth liar I'm becoming? I actually didn't like the movie that much. It was ok, I guess, with Johnny Depp looking stunning as always but not quite reaching the top of his acting abilities, and Juliette being as far as possible from the way I imagined the book's heroine.
Because oh yes, there was a book. While the movie didn't massacre it entirely, it didn't do it justice (as it so often happens). The original Chocolat story, written by Joanne Harris (with her other books being quite worth checking out as well), can boast of having one of the most elegant and wise happy end I've ever seen which is to the movie's ending as Sahara is to Arctic. Don't let the film industry rob you of this treat! Go and grab the book! Now!
Can I use this opportunity to remind you that there are things called libraries in the world and you don't necessary need to buy it? You may want to, eventually (I ended up with having a copy even after I've read it), because it's a rare kind of books that can be read more than once. On the other hand, you may not, and my smart advice (modesty first, always!) can save you space, money and trouble.
If you want to find out more about the book, go and check my review on Squidoo - it's fairly decent.
Oh, and the sequel is not half as good. Sorry, Ms Harris, but you skipped the unconventional (= not sugared up the American style) happy ending bit, and I can't forgive that.
Hah, did you notice what a smooth liar I'm becoming? I actually didn't like the movie that much. It was ok, I guess, with Johnny Depp looking stunning as always but not quite reaching the top of his acting abilities, and Juliette being as far as possible from the way I imagined the book's heroine.
Because oh yes, there was a book. While the movie didn't massacre it entirely, it didn't do it justice (as it so often happens). The original Chocolat story, written by Joanne Harris (with her other books being quite worth checking out as well), can boast of having one of the most elegant and wise happy end I've ever seen which is to the movie's ending as Sahara is to Arctic. Don't let the film industry rob you of this treat! Go and grab the book! Now!
Can I use this opportunity to remind you that there are things called libraries in the world and you don't necessary need to buy it? You may want to, eventually (I ended up with having a copy even after I've read it), because it's a rare kind of books that can be read more than once. On the other hand, you may not, and my smart advice (modesty first, always!) can save you space, money and trouble.
If you want to find out more about the book, go and check my review on Squidoo - it's fairly decent.
Oh, and the sequel is not half as good. Sorry, Ms Harris, but you skipped the unconventional (= not sugared up the American style) happy ending bit, and I can't forgive that.
Friday 8 July 2011
Tornado month
Oh man, ain't it hard to write an article when you have only a few figures to play with!
You've all heard about the gigantic tornado outbreak in April 2011, right? I've published an article about it even before the month was truly over (and had to update my figures a few times...). I have discovered two things in the process:
- it is hard to find reliable figures. In the end I used NOAA Prediction Centre data, but they are likely to change (even now!!), as scientists go through each single tornado sighting to re-confirm them.
- when you have only numbers, it's a real challenge to write an article that holds your attention. I don't approve of sensation-hunting tone of some publications these days. I notice it again and again - cameramen hunt for images of people screaming and being hurt, then in public say - 'Oh my God, I pray that they are safe' or 'I'm so sorry for their loss' and think that everything is ok. I call it feeding on someone else's suffering, you can call it whatever you want.
So no, my article does not include too much hype. It's rather dry, because it deals with mathematics and not with the human tragedy.
Consider yourself warned.
You've all heard about the gigantic tornado outbreak in April 2011, right? I've published an article about it even before the month was truly over (and had to update my figures a few times...). I have discovered two things in the process:
- it is hard to find reliable figures. In the end I used NOAA Prediction Centre data, but they are likely to change (even now!!), as scientists go through each single tornado sighting to re-confirm them.
- when you have only numbers, it's a real challenge to write an article that holds your attention. I don't approve of sensation-hunting tone of some publications these days. I notice it again and again - cameramen hunt for images of people screaming and being hurt, then in public say - 'Oh my God, I pray that they are safe' or 'I'm so sorry for their loss' and think that everything is ok. I call it feeding on someone else's suffering, you can call it whatever you want.
So no, my article does not include too much hype. It's rather dry, because it deals with mathematics and not with the human tragedy.
Consider yourself warned.
Thursday 7 July 2011
The ultimate cream soup recipe
Oooh, it's nasty and depressing Thursday in Ireland. I was wakened today at something like 7 am by the sound of a thunder (thunderstorms occuring maybe 2-3 times in a year) and it hasn't improved since. Rain, hail and howling wind, five minutes of silence and rain droplets start banging on my roof all over again. Clouds are heavy and make it hard to think straight, and I have an article review to write when feeling completely uninspired. At least subject of the review is quite relevant.
Today's article is all about cream soups (or blended soups, if you prefer). You can make them out of almost anything in no time at all and you are rewarded with thick, warming broth and tummy screaming with joy. It doesn't take Einstein to spot that I'm a big fan of cream soups.
Funny thing, for a long time I thought that they are magically difficult to make. For some reason my brain registered cream soups as posh food and posh food must be difficult, right? How else would you get charged such a shovelful of cash when eating out in nicer places?
Guess what, I was wrong.
Cream soups are quick, easy and unexpensive and you can make endless flavour variations if you only know the basic recipe. I think I didn't eat much else for entire week right after I discovered it.
I may even take my own advice today and cook up some nice cream soup for myself. Split pea sounds good. Big mug full of steaming blended soup, warm soft blanket and I may yet survive the storms.
Today's article is all about cream soups (or blended soups, if you prefer). You can make them out of almost anything in no time at all and you are rewarded with thick, warming broth and tummy screaming with joy. It doesn't take Einstein to spot that I'm a big fan of cream soups.
Funny thing, for a long time I thought that they are magically difficult to make. For some reason my brain registered cream soups as posh food and posh food must be difficult, right? How else would you get charged such a shovelful of cash when eating out in nicer places?
Guess what, I was wrong.
Cream soups are quick, easy and unexpensive and you can make endless flavour variations if you only know the basic recipe. I think I didn't eat much else for entire week right after I discovered it.
I may even take my own advice today and cook up some nice cream soup for myself. Split pea sounds good. Big mug full of steaming blended soup, warm soft blanket and I may yet survive the storms.
Wednesday 6 July 2011
An Ode to Polish Sausage
Sometimes writing about humble food is difficult when you want to scream and change the world but oh well. I'll scream some other time, ok?
I am Polish by birth and have been eating Polish sausage my whole life. I was never particularly impressed - how can you be impressed by something so obvious? Always on hand? Then a few years ago I moved to Ireland. Since then Polish shops cropped up everywhere and getting Polish meat on the Green Island is no challenge anymore, but at the beginning I simply couldn't find it anywhere. I visited my family about two years after the big move and guess what - I nearly cried when I opened the fridge. Forget sweets and all other delicacies, sausage was what I craved most.
Inspiration for this article visited me when I was eating my fried sausage dinner one day - it was so damn good and suddenly I thought - why not write about it? I took it really seriously and during my next shopping trip bought all the props needed for a decent photo shoot - thin, dried sausage, medium versatile sausage, large sandwich sausage... That was a good week, believe me.
Polish sausage is a piece of art, full stop. I am yet to try something better in this department. If you have a chance to buy some - go for it, you will not regret it. If you need a little guide to learn how to make your choice in the sausage world - go read my article.
And bon appetit!
I am Polish by birth and have been eating Polish sausage my whole life. I was never particularly impressed - how can you be impressed by something so obvious? Always on hand? Then a few years ago I moved to Ireland. Since then Polish shops cropped up everywhere and getting Polish meat on the Green Island is no challenge anymore, but at the beginning I simply couldn't find it anywhere. I visited my family about two years after the big move and guess what - I nearly cried when I opened the fridge. Forget sweets and all other delicacies, sausage was what I craved most.
Inspiration for this article visited me when I was eating my fried sausage dinner one day - it was so damn good and suddenly I thought - why not write about it? I took it really seriously and during my next shopping trip bought all the props needed for a decent photo shoot - thin, dried sausage, medium versatile sausage, large sandwich sausage... That was a good week, believe me.
Polish sausage is a piece of art, full stop. I am yet to try something better in this department. If you have a chance to buy some - go for it, you will not regret it. If you need a little guide to learn how to make your choice in the sausage world - go read my article.
And bon appetit!
Tuesday 5 July 2011
The Good Soldier Svejk
I tend to be good in writing book reviews. Top notch ability to judge, trust me. I'm saying these words with a bitter-sweet smile on my face, because I also tend to dislike such attitude. Unfortunately I agree with the saying that all critics are writers that didn't make it, most of the time, anyway. And I'm not going to treat myself as a particular exception to that rule.
Yet... I simply have this uncanny knack for writing reviews. I have read thousands of books in my life. I also have incredibly high expectations when it comes to literature. Well, you can't have read Marquez or Kundera (to name only the first few that come to my mind) and crow in adulation about Harry Potter. You simply can't.
I probably couldn't bring myself to praise market-popular books just for bucks. Or if I could, the review would be flat, uninspiring. No matter how hard I try, I still can't bring myself to lie with charisma - the knowledge that no matter what the frills, it's still a lie and bullshit is too overwhelming. But I can write very good honest reviews of very tasty books. They flow. They write themselves. It's a pleasure to work in such mood.
'The Good Soldier Svejk' is one of the classics I took to my workshop for dissection. On my personal scale from 1 to 10 (10 being great), I gave it eight-ish. I did find some flaws (oh, do I dare, or should I fear Mr Hasek haunting me from his grave?), but I also crowed in adulation, because the book deserves it.
If you've never heard of Svejk, it's high time you met him.
If you've met him sometime, you may find it worthwhile to renew his acquaintance.
If you are a die-hard Svejk fan, than you probably shouldn't read my review at all, because you won't find anything new there.
Yet... I simply have this uncanny knack for writing reviews. I have read thousands of books in my life. I also have incredibly high expectations when it comes to literature. Well, you can't have read Marquez or Kundera (to name only the first few that come to my mind) and crow in adulation about Harry Potter. You simply can't.
I probably couldn't bring myself to praise market-popular books just for bucks. Or if I could, the review would be flat, uninspiring. No matter how hard I try, I still can't bring myself to lie with charisma - the knowledge that no matter what the frills, it's still a lie and bullshit is too overwhelming. But I can write very good honest reviews of very tasty books. They flow. They write themselves. It's a pleasure to work in such mood.
'The Good Soldier Svejk' is one of the classics I took to my workshop for dissection. On my personal scale from 1 to 10 (10 being great), I gave it eight-ish. I did find some flaws (oh, do I dare, or should I fear Mr Hasek haunting me from his grave?), but I also crowed in adulation, because the book deserves it.
If you've never heard of Svejk, it's high time you met him.
If you've met him sometime, you may find it worthwhile to renew his acquaintance.
If you are a die-hard Svejk fan, than you probably shouldn't read my review at all, because you won't find anything new there.
Monday 4 July 2011
Zucchini nightmares
Whether you call them zucchinis or courgettes, you probably know that once you have a plant, you have a million zucchinis to utilize. It IS a delicious, versatile veg, but sometimes it can be... well, too much.
This article shows me being empathic towards all the people blessed/cursed with zucchini harvest. There's some ideas on what to do with the excess zukes and some light hearted stories with zucchinis in the focus.
You won't really find any specialist zucchini advice here, but you will probably find something to laugh about. Or just something that you can identify with. Hopefully.
Uff, I have to admit I'm not big into zucchini slogans inspiration today. Instead of the blah blah, can I simply invite you to read the article and hope that you'll enjoy it?
You can tell me if you don't, you know :)
This article shows me being empathic towards all the people blessed/cursed with zucchini harvest. There's some ideas on what to do with the excess zukes and some light hearted stories with zucchinis in the focus.
You won't really find any specialist zucchini advice here, but you will probably find something to laugh about. Or just something that you can identify with. Hopefully.
Uff, I have to admit I'm not big into zucchini slogans inspiration today. Instead of the blah blah, can I simply invite you to read the article and hope that you'll enjoy it?
You can tell me if you don't, you know :)
Saturday 2 July 2011
Talk to your plants
Do you talk to your plants? Do you? Really? Are you weird?
I would risk to say, you're just kind.
I started this little debate quite a while ago, just to see what do people think about plant talkers. I gathered up pros and contras, found some famous plant talkers and finished it off with a duelling platform, where you can voice off your own opinion.
If you were wondering - of course I talk to my plants! I don't know if it makes them any happier, but it surely pleases me.
To find out what other people think - follow this link.
I would risk to say, you're just kind.
I started this little debate quite a while ago, just to see what do people think about plant talkers. I gathered up pros and contras, found some famous plant talkers and finished it off with a duelling platform, where you can voice off your own opinion.
If you were wondering - of course I talk to my plants! I don't know if it makes them any happier, but it surely pleases me.
To find out what other people think - follow this link.
Friday 1 July 2011
10 things I hate about the Internet
This article was written in the purest flash of inspiration during all of my career in online writing (well, so far). It practically wrote itself.
I had just spent a few hours surfing the Web, browsing piles of rubbish, drowning in ads, reading the nightmarish absurdities and being drained out of energy in the speed of light. I recall I was also pretty angry then for personal reasons, and mixture of these circumstances fruited with the edgy, slightly sarcastic and unexpectedly funny piece on dark side of the Internet.
I generally like the Web, you know. I work with it, goddamnit. I've stumbled upon great things/acts/people/ideas that otherwise I would have no chance to meet. But let's be honest - the really good stuff takes up maybe 10% of the web space, the rest is total (and mostly corporate) shit fountain. Looking for something funky is sometimes satisfying, because it closely resembles treasure hunt.
On other days I just feel I'm drowning in shit.
Writing about it was an effective way of letting the steam off, and the result is actually pretty good.
Bon appetit.
I had just spent a few hours surfing the Web, browsing piles of rubbish, drowning in ads, reading the nightmarish absurdities and being drained out of energy in the speed of light. I recall I was also pretty angry then for personal reasons, and mixture of these circumstances fruited with the edgy, slightly sarcastic and unexpectedly funny piece on dark side of the Internet.
I generally like the Web, you know. I work with it, goddamnit. I've stumbled upon great things/acts/people/ideas that otherwise I would have no chance to meet. But let's be honest - the really good stuff takes up maybe 10% of the web space, the rest is total (and mostly corporate) shit fountain. Looking for something funky is sometimes satisfying, because it closely resembles treasure hunt.
On other days I just feel I'm drowning in shit.
Writing about it was an effective way of letting the steam off, and the result is actually pretty good.
Bon appetit.
Thursday 30 June 2011
Not your ordinary pesto
Ooh, I really enjoyed researching for and writing this article. It's all about pesto.
Pesto 'traditionally consists of crushed garlic, basil and nuts blended with olive oil and cheese' - thus spake Wikipedia. So far so good.
But did you know you can make pesto out of thousand different ingredients as well? That your pesto can have not a leaf of basil in it? That it can be chili spiced, or made with humble dandelion?
You may have. Then again, you may have not.
This article was written especially for those curious cooks who like experiments in their kitchen. It's full of ideas for alternative pesto ingredients to make your dish one of its kind.
Warning: whatever you do, don't go overboard with garlic. I did just that and thus turned my into something completely inedible.
Pesto 'traditionally consists of crushed garlic, basil and nuts blended with olive oil and cheese' - thus spake Wikipedia. So far so good.
But did you know you can make pesto out of thousand different ingredients as well? That your pesto can have not a leaf of basil in it? That it can be chili spiced, or made with humble dandelion?
You may have. Then again, you may have not.
This article was written especially for those curious cooks who like experiments in their kitchen. It's full of ideas for alternative pesto ingredients to make your dish one of its kind.
Warning: whatever you do, don't go overboard with garlic. I did just that and thus turned my into something completely inedible.
Tuesday 28 June 2011
How not to lose inspiration when writing an article
Every writer fears it.
Those who do it for a living, as it may mean no income.
Those who are only beginning on their writer's path, as it can kill your confidence and make your path swerve in another direction whatsoever.
All other writers out there, because it's a powerful, yet invisible enemy that can make their work impossible.
The writer's block.
If you write, you know the times when words simply won't get together in the right way. When each sentence you write is accompanied by endless whispers of your inner critic, saying - Bad! No good at all! When your inspiration goes on long holidays and threatens never to come back at all, because it's nice and sunshiny out there and it prefers to hang around with others rather than being stuck in your grey existence. Sounds familiar?
I'd say so.
Every single writer (yes, even the aspiring ones) have his own set of tricks employed to overcome this nightmarish blank season. It all goes very much with personal preference, temperament and individual quirks.
I noticed, though, that there is a group of influences able to trigger a writer's block in almost everyone. This article tries to help you identify them and avoid them whenever possible. Funny, but it appears that often a very simple action can make the demon go away.
Are you willing to give it a try? Well, you have nothing to lose, and if you gain - you can buy me a coffee sometime :)
Those who do it for a living, as it may mean no income.
Those who are only beginning on their writer's path, as it can kill your confidence and make your path swerve in another direction whatsoever.
All other writers out there, because it's a powerful, yet invisible enemy that can make their work impossible.
The writer's block.
If you write, you know the times when words simply won't get together in the right way. When each sentence you write is accompanied by endless whispers of your inner critic, saying - Bad! No good at all! When your inspiration goes on long holidays and threatens never to come back at all, because it's nice and sunshiny out there and it prefers to hang around with others rather than being stuck in your grey existence. Sounds familiar?
I'd say so.
Every single writer (yes, even the aspiring ones) have his own set of tricks employed to overcome this nightmarish blank season. It all goes very much with personal preference, temperament and individual quirks.
I noticed, though, that there is a group of influences able to trigger a writer's block in almost everyone. This article tries to help you identify them and avoid them whenever possible. Funny, but it appears that often a very simple action can make the demon go away.
Are you willing to give it a try? Well, you have nothing to lose, and if you gain - you can buy me a coffee sometime :)
Monday 27 June 2011
Don't go to Cliffs of Moher
Oooohh, there's nothing like a good rant.
How angry I was when I was writing this article!! Straight back from a field trip with some guests from abroad and fuming.
You know, my Zen goes to pieces when I see an act of greed higher than Mount Everest. I hate being treated like an idiot. I'm fuming when I see people AGREEING to being treated like idiots. I'm always disappointed when people try to 'improve' on Mother Nature - usually with hopelessly inadequate results.
My recent trip to Cliffs of Moher gave me all of the above.
If you want to know more, follow this link.
How angry I was when I was writing this article!! Straight back from a field trip with some guests from abroad and fuming.
You know, my Zen goes to pieces when I see an act of greed higher than Mount Everest. I hate being treated like an idiot. I'm fuming when I see people AGREEING to being treated like idiots. I'm always disappointed when people try to 'improve' on Mother Nature - usually with hopelessly inadequate results.
My recent trip to Cliffs of Moher gave me all of the above.
If you want to know more, follow this link.
Sunday 26 June 2011
Window sill gardening
I've never been much of a green person, but this spring something had changed. Suddenly I wanted to grow something, and this desire quickly grew into this giant monster, nagging me from the inside and screaming: Grow! Grow!
Might have been the aftermath of various slow living blogs I tend to read from time to time, or maybe it was only the fresh spring air. Whichever is correct, I simply couldn't resist.
Now, it's not easy to move from a non-grower into a grower. Oh, getting seeds and pots is easy enough, the main obstacle is psychological. Let me give you a few examples of thoughts that thrashed around my head at this time:
- me, growing something? Nah, it will be dead before it even sprouts
- oh, and where do you want to grow it? Living in an apartment on the third floor?
- come on, you have no cash
- you know NOTHING about growing stuff. Right?
- growing stuff is not cool. My friends will laugh
Etc., etc.
Fast forward over four months, and here I am now, with a beatiful, green balcony garden for pennies and the absolutely satisfying ability to sneak there even in the middle of the night to pinch a few herb twigs for a salad or to simply smell flowers in the rain.
How did I manage to do that?
For a short answer - travel here.
For long - here.
Might have been the aftermath of various slow living blogs I tend to read from time to time, or maybe it was only the fresh spring air. Whichever is correct, I simply couldn't resist.
Now, it's not easy to move from a non-grower into a grower. Oh, getting seeds and pots is easy enough, the main obstacle is psychological. Let me give you a few examples of thoughts that thrashed around my head at this time:
- me, growing something? Nah, it will be dead before it even sprouts
- oh, and where do you want to grow it? Living in an apartment on the third floor?
- come on, you have no cash
- you know NOTHING about growing stuff. Right?
- growing stuff is not cool. My friends will laugh
Etc., etc.
Fast forward over four months, and here I am now, with a beatiful, green balcony garden for pennies and the absolutely satisfying ability to sneak there even in the middle of the night to pinch a few herb twigs for a salad or to simply smell flowers in the rain.
How did I manage to do that?
For a short answer - travel here.
For long - here.
Saturday 25 June 2011
Apple stories
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Or so they say. They also tell all sorts of other apple stories and this article is my attempt to gather the most interesting ones in one place.
From Adam and Eve, through ancient Greeks all the way to Newton, Johnny Appleseed and funky Guinness World Records, it is packed with apple trivia and apple pics (all public domain, by the way).
If you're craving apple knowledge, go check it out. If you don't - check it out anyway, you may yet get hooked.
Just a reminder - if you want me to review your own article, drop me a line. If I like it, a link pointing to this blog or one of my Squidoo lenses is all I require in return (at least for limited time).
Or so they say. They also tell all sorts of other apple stories and this article is my attempt to gather the most interesting ones in one place.
From Adam and Eve, through ancient Greeks all the way to Newton, Johnny Appleseed and funky Guinness World Records, it is packed with apple trivia and apple pics (all public domain, by the way).
If you're craving apple knowledge, go check it out. If you don't - check it out anyway, you may yet get hooked.
Just a reminder - if you want me to review your own article, drop me a line. If I like it, a link pointing to this blog or one of my Squidoo lenses is all I require in return (at least for limited time).
Friday 24 June 2011
Cheesecake to die for
Do you like short articles or long articles? I still can't make my mind up. Sure, everyone could flesh out their pieces with every scrap of information found on the Web, written in forty seven different ways, but... is it worth it? The original message can get lost in the piles of rubbish. We don't want that, do we?
Now, do you like cheesecakes? Oh man, I do. I love them so much that sometimes I get cheesecake-tosis (irresistible urge to eat cheesecake NOW) and funny things follow. Once I ran around Bath city with panic in my eyes at 9 pm, looking for a cafe, a cake shop, anything at all that would give me a slice. What a way to spend your holidays! Waitrose saved me then, but you don't know the time and the hour...
The idea for this lens came from a simple question - what is the single most awesome, feet-sweeping, jaw-dropping cheesecake I've ever tried? I found it, I broadcasted it.
Three things you need to know about it:
1. It will take you 15 minutes to make it. Or less. Simplicity of the recipe deserves the Nobel award. In physics. It does need to be chilled afterwards. There's no getting around some things.
2. It is probably the smoothest chocolate thing you will ever have tried. Ok, chocolate marquis may contest this title, but it's a close shot.
3. If you love cheesecakes, you DO WANT TO KNOW THIS RECIPE. I don't really need to say much more, to pour bullshit marketing 'deliciouses', 'yummys', 'originals' and 'qualitys' at you. If you like cheesecakes, you will be grateful you have found this one, end of the story.
So go check it out here.
Now, do you like cheesecakes? Oh man, I do. I love them so much that sometimes I get cheesecake-tosis (irresistible urge to eat cheesecake NOW) and funny things follow. Once I ran around Bath city with panic in my eyes at 9 pm, looking for a cafe, a cake shop, anything at all that would give me a slice. What a way to spend your holidays! Waitrose saved me then, but you don't know the time and the hour...
The idea for this lens came from a simple question - what is the single most awesome, feet-sweeping, jaw-dropping cheesecake I've ever tried? I found it, I broadcasted it.
Three things you need to know about it:
1. It will take you 15 minutes to make it. Or less. Simplicity of the recipe deserves the Nobel award. In physics. It does need to be chilled afterwards. There's no getting around some things.
2. It is probably the smoothest chocolate thing you will ever have tried. Ok, chocolate marquis may contest this title, but it's a close shot.
3. If you love cheesecakes, you DO WANT TO KNOW THIS RECIPE. I don't really need to say much more, to pour bullshit marketing 'deliciouses', 'yummys', 'originals' and 'qualitys' at you. If you like cheesecakes, you will be grateful you have found this one, end of the story.
So go check it out here.
Thursday 23 June 2011
New series
Today I'm starting new series here on Blog To Make Me Money.
It's a little experiment and its purpose is mainly to bring traffic to my Squidoo lenses, for which I'm actually getting any money (or at least they have tangible potential).
See, I promised you at the very beginning of this blog that I'll be honest.
But the experiment has some more mission objectives.
First of all, it is a challenge - I want to see if I'm able to write lens reviews which would get you interested and make you travel to my articles, in the same time NOT filling them up with bullshit marketing language and outright lies.
Second of all - it's a presentation. If you like the way I'm presenting an article, get in touch. I can write a review of your article and bring some traffic to your website. At present, knowing the size of this blog and it's tiny (so far) audience, I may be happy to do it in exchange for a link or a review placed on your website - pointing to one of my lenses or here.
That is, if I like your article.
It's a little experiment and its purpose is mainly to bring traffic to my Squidoo lenses, for which I'm actually getting any money (or at least they have tangible potential).
See, I promised you at the very beginning of this blog that I'll be honest.
But the experiment has some more mission objectives.
First of all, it is a challenge - I want to see if I'm able to write lens reviews which would get you interested and make you travel to my articles, in the same time NOT filling them up with bullshit marketing language and outright lies.
Second of all - it's a presentation. If you like the way I'm presenting an article, get in touch. I can write a review of your article and bring some traffic to your website. At present, knowing the size of this blog and it's tiny (so far) audience, I may be happy to do it in exchange for a link or a review placed on your website - pointing to one of my lenses or here.
That is, if I like your article.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Jubilee
Haha, time to brag.
One-hundred-visitors-to-this-lovely-blog (to the tune of '10 green bottles hanging on the wall'). There's no special treat to the visitor number 100, nobody's winning a trip to Hawaii - sorry.
It may not be much (I'll REALLY celebrate when there's a few more zeros to add), but still - it's a nice, round number, and I think we don't celebrate enough things these days. Always wanting more and more and more... Screw it. I'm glad, I'm happy there's been 100 people somehow passing through this blog and hereby I'm patting myself over the shoulder.
So yeah, keep coming back. For more of the bitter sweetness.
One-hundred-visitors-to-this-lovely-blog (to the tune of '10 green bottles hanging on the wall'). There's no special treat to the visitor number 100, nobody's winning a trip to Hawaii - sorry.
It may not be much (I'll REALLY celebrate when there's a few more zeros to add), but still - it's a nice, round number, and I think we don't celebrate enough things these days. Always wanting more and more and more... Screw it. I'm glad, I'm happy there's been 100 people somehow passing through this blog and hereby I'm patting myself over the shoulder.
So yeah, keep coming back. For more of the bitter sweetness.
Tuesday 7 June 2011
The Internet World War I
Human kind (that is us!!) seems to have real trouble with existing for a few years running without any war. Just look at any history book. We all got neighbours, after all, and sometimes they just get TOO irritating.
Here's a solution to end all bloodshed but still allow the steam to go off - let's start the Internet World War I!
We'll take all the fuming, testosterone packed politicians and we'll install them in cyber headquarters. Then everybody able to hold the mouse will be drafted as a common soldier. We'll choose the Allies and the Axis (because you have to have teams!) and we'll let them shoot computer viruses at each other. Or create a gigantic battlefield - forum, where they (us!) will be allowed to throw abuses at each other without any moderation. The most witty punches will be rewarded with extra points.
We may even create a huge, World of Warcraft style virtual battle arena and let them all hit each other with sticks. Or anything else.
There has to be jury, too - after all who will reward point? Geneva is boring, let's have an X-Factor style judging board. I suggest Sid Meiers (if you happen not to know - he's THE creator of Civilisation game), Bill Gates and - oh well - Simon Cowell (he may not know anything about cyber wars but at least everyone will be laughing at his venomous comments). Mothers and children can send text messages (=amunition packages) with their votes, and the incomes will be used to fund pizza for computer-bound soldiers.
Atomic bombs will not be allowed, because they get too many players disconnected.
There will be cyber-spies, cyber-snipers, cyper-sappers, cyber-commandoes and cyber-everything.
IT specialists, as the most important units, will get extra cyber in their title (as in cyber-cyber-specialists), but to keep it as real as possible - they won't do any real work, they'll just hang around thinking up pranks to keep the troops amused.
Ain't that better than Hiroshima?
PS. All rights reserved. If you ever decide to go and fight the cybernetic world war, remember I thought of it first and you pay royalties to me!
Sincerely yours
General Cyber-Cyber-Cyber
Here's a solution to end all bloodshed but still allow the steam to go off - let's start the Internet World War I!
We'll take all the fuming, testosterone packed politicians and we'll install them in cyber headquarters. Then everybody able to hold the mouse will be drafted as a common soldier. We'll choose the Allies and the Axis (because you have to have teams!) and we'll let them shoot computer viruses at each other. Or create a gigantic battlefield - forum, where they (us!) will be allowed to throw abuses at each other without any moderation. The most witty punches will be rewarded with extra points.
We may even create a huge, World of Warcraft style virtual battle arena and let them all hit each other with sticks. Or anything else.
There has to be jury, too - after all who will reward point? Geneva is boring, let's have an X-Factor style judging board. I suggest Sid Meiers (if you happen not to know - he's THE creator of Civilisation game), Bill Gates and - oh well - Simon Cowell (he may not know anything about cyber wars but at least everyone will be laughing at his venomous comments). Mothers and children can send text messages (=amunition packages) with their votes, and the incomes will be used to fund pizza for computer-bound soldiers.
Atomic bombs will not be allowed, because they get too many players disconnected.
There will be cyber-spies, cyber-snipers, cyper-sappers, cyber-commandoes and cyber-everything.
IT specialists, as the most important units, will get extra cyber in their title (as in cyber-cyber-specialists), but to keep it as real as possible - they won't do any real work, they'll just hang around thinking up pranks to keep the troops amused.
Ain't that better than Hiroshima?
PS. All rights reserved. If you ever decide to go and fight the cybernetic world war, remember I thought of it first and you pay royalties to me!
Sincerely yours
General Cyber-Cyber-Cyber
Friday 3 June 2011
Serve your burger with style!
Ah, I'm right after a quick read-thru of the latest posts from Seth Godin's blog.
Usually I think the guy is brilliant. He's got this particular talent for creating striking and funny metaphors, which most of the days simply inspire.
But today I feel like arguing.
There's been a lot of talk lately of working as hard as possible or more, of 'raising the bar', of 'not sabotaging one's own work' etc.
Yeah, right.
I agree with all the above if you happen to work in your own business, on your independent project, or possibly at work you love. Sure.
But if I'm working for somebody else? Doing things I hate, only to pay the bills? For an employer who's very unlikely to appreciate my efforts in monetary way?
I say forget it. I say online solitaire all the way. I say take half an hour to transport one piece of paper from one room to the next if you only can.
Extra effort and raising the bar is all part of the best marketing for employers. Work hard, little ant, work as much as you can, all for the greater good. Work hard, so that you can pay your bills and I can drive a lexus.
God, how angry does this make me!
In most jobs, working hard only ends up with you being more indispensable and working even more. Because once you showed that you can, why not push you even further?
Does it end with you being paid more? Seldom.
So well, I love you, Seth Godin, but this time you're speaking a foreign language.
Usually I think the guy is brilliant. He's got this particular talent for creating striking and funny metaphors, which most of the days simply inspire.
But today I feel like arguing.
There's been a lot of talk lately of working as hard as possible or more, of 'raising the bar', of 'not sabotaging one's own work' etc.
Yeah, right.
I agree with all the above if you happen to work in your own business, on your independent project, or possibly at work you love. Sure.
But if I'm working for somebody else? Doing things I hate, only to pay the bills? For an employer who's very unlikely to appreciate my efforts in monetary way?
I say forget it. I say online solitaire all the way. I say take half an hour to transport one piece of paper from one room to the next if you only can.
Extra effort and raising the bar is all part of the best marketing for employers. Work hard, little ant, work as much as you can, all for the greater good. Work hard, so that you can pay your bills and I can drive a lexus.
God, how angry does this make me!
In most jobs, working hard only ends up with you being more indispensable and working even more. Because once you showed that you can, why not push you even further?
Does it end with you being paid more? Seldom.
So well, I love you, Seth Godin, but this time you're speaking a foreign language.
Tuesday 31 May 2011
How much can a website earn?
I have stumbled upon an interesting website today. Basically it's a web traffic/revenue analyser. You type in any URL, and it gives you basics stats, like visitors a day, ad revenue a day etc.
I popped in few addresses just to get a feeling for how it works and made interesting discoveries.
Your website needs to be really, really big to make you a decent money. Just to give you an example - a website getting 4800 visitors a day and full of ads has an earning potential of 22 dollars. A day. Yearly it adds up to something like $8000. Oops.
See, a website needs to be really good to attract 5000 visitors daily. REALLY. This blog, so far, has got something like 80 visitors altogether. 5000 a day seems far, far beyond the horizon.
I guess I would need to write something like 20 posts daily, all about hot, hot topics, plus have twenty other income sources to survive, not even mentioning any surplus money. How sad is that?
But hey, yeah, everybody promises you millions from the web, within weeks sometimes, stick to it, dead reader. It's so good to dream.
I popped in few addresses just to get a feeling for how it works and made interesting discoveries.
Your website needs to be really, really big to make you a decent money. Just to give you an example - a website getting 4800 visitors a day and full of ads has an earning potential of 22 dollars. A day. Yearly it adds up to something like $8000. Oops.
See, a website needs to be really good to attract 5000 visitors daily. REALLY. This blog, so far, has got something like 80 visitors altogether. 5000 a day seems far, far beyond the horizon.
I guess I would need to write something like 20 posts daily, all about hot, hot topics, plus have twenty other income sources to survive, not even mentioning any surplus money. How sad is that?
But hey, yeah, everybody promises you millions from the web, within weeks sometimes, stick to it, dead reader. It's so good to dream.
Friday 27 May 2011
The Truth
I seem to have a problem. A true problem. With the truth.
See, it's so bloody unpopular these days.
There's marketing, there's political correctness, there's being entertaining and putting on a show. None of it has any resemblance to the truth. All of it is based on manipulation. And all of it is extremelly traffic-generating.
It looks like people simply want to be lied to, they love it.
I have to confess something. I find it difficult to tell a direct lie. It's not that I'm not capable of it, it's only that I'm terribly conscious of what I'm doing and terribly uncomfortable throughout the process. Looks like a bit of a conundrum, really. See, I've decided to steer clear of payroll employment so that I don't have to lie to people every day (yes, this meat mincer is the most exciting product you can have, it will truly transform your life, and yes, I'm having a wonderful time at this four hour long business strategy meeting, and yes, your ideas are so enlightened, my dear boss - you know the type of lies).
So I moved to online income to escape it all but... it looks like nothing really changed. No bullshit = no traffic. Ehh...
Funny thing, I seem to be in the minority, you know? Nobody else seems to mind. Quite depressing, really.
See, it's so bloody unpopular these days.
There's marketing, there's political correctness, there's being entertaining and putting on a show. None of it has any resemblance to the truth. All of it is based on manipulation. And all of it is extremelly traffic-generating.
It looks like people simply want to be lied to, they love it.
I have to confess something. I find it difficult to tell a direct lie. It's not that I'm not capable of it, it's only that I'm terribly conscious of what I'm doing and terribly uncomfortable throughout the process. Looks like a bit of a conundrum, really. See, I've decided to steer clear of payroll employment so that I don't have to lie to people every day (yes, this meat mincer is the most exciting product you can have, it will truly transform your life, and yes, I'm having a wonderful time at this four hour long business strategy meeting, and yes, your ideas are so enlightened, my dear boss - you know the type of lies).
So I moved to online income to escape it all but... it looks like nothing really changed. No bullshit = no traffic. Ehh...
Funny thing, I seem to be in the minority, you know? Nobody else seems to mind. Quite depressing, really.
Thursday 26 May 2011
How about 'Say Hello To a Nutter Day'?
Weird thing, but The Blog To Make Me Money is not making me any money yet. I guess I will need to promise you the Apocalypse or something before it does (ok, ok, I will shut up about the Apocalypse. Eventually...), but in the meantime - I figure that as long as you don't pay me for writing about something specific, I can write about anything I fancy. Spewing my fantastic individuality in the process, or just enjoying myself. Because why the fuck not.
So, how about 'Say Hello To a Nutter Day'? I've just discovered this blog, written by some totally insane girl with a knack for weird drawings and montypythonesque humour and I feel overwhelming gratefulness for all the nutters out there. How they make our lives sweeter!
Even if you are a straight, down-to-earth type, appreciate the nutters! If they don't manage to extract a smile from your face, at least you have someone to feel superior to.
Nah, what am I saying, everybody loves nutters.
That's why there should be a day dedicated specifically to them. Today, for example. Where do I apply? Do I need to collect some signatures? How much does it take to get the notion to Wikipedia?
I'll have a look and let you know.
Or not.
But tell your friends. It's a Worthy Cause. Nutters need some love too!
So, how about 'Say Hello To a Nutter Day'? I've just discovered this blog, written by some totally insane girl with a knack for weird drawings and montypythonesque humour and I feel overwhelming gratefulness for all the nutters out there. How they make our lives sweeter!
Even if you are a straight, down-to-earth type, appreciate the nutters! If they don't manage to extract a smile from your face, at least you have someone to feel superior to.
Nah, what am I saying, everybody loves nutters.
That's why there should be a day dedicated specifically to them. Today, for example. Where do I apply? Do I need to collect some signatures? How much does it take to get the notion to Wikipedia?
I'll have a look and let you know.
Or not.
But tell your friends. It's a Worthy Cause. Nutters need some love too!
Apocalypse, cancelled
Oops, it looks like the Apocalypse didn't happen again.
If you sold or gave away all your belongings to celebrate the big day and now find yourself in deep slurry - serves you well for being such an idiot.
I think it's an unbelievable, amazing phenomenon - take the biggest looney you can find, tell him to preach the most ridiculous bullshit you can imagine, and there still be thousands of people running, RUNNING, to give him money. Jaw-dropping unbelievable.
All that in the world with hunger, cancer, homelessness etc... Don't feed a beggar, pay a thousand dollars for a billboard, to make people aware of the coming Armageddon. The Armageddon somehow didn't materialise, and there's no sign of Christ anywhere, either, but who cares, right? There will be more looneys like Harold Camping and they too will make fortunes out of their stories, and there will still be people waving their credit cards to support theit cause.
What a wacky world we live in.
Would I make money too if I suddenly announced here on this blog that the angel told me of the SURE and CERTAIN date for the next Apocalypse, say November 11? Would I become an instant celebrity with piles of cash on my account? Would you donate you hard earned money, dear reader, to support my claim? I wish you would, but somehow I'm convinced that you wouldn't.
How unfair.
And I'm prettier than Harold Camping, too.
If you sold or gave away all your belongings to celebrate the big day and now find yourself in deep slurry - serves you well for being such an idiot.
I think it's an unbelievable, amazing phenomenon - take the biggest looney you can find, tell him to preach the most ridiculous bullshit you can imagine, and there still be thousands of people running, RUNNING, to give him money. Jaw-dropping unbelievable.
All that in the world with hunger, cancer, homelessness etc... Don't feed a beggar, pay a thousand dollars for a billboard, to make people aware of the coming Armageddon. The Armageddon somehow didn't materialise, and there's no sign of Christ anywhere, either, but who cares, right? There will be more looneys like Harold Camping and they too will make fortunes out of their stories, and there will still be people waving their credit cards to support theit cause.
What a wacky world we live in.
Would I make money too if I suddenly announced here on this blog that the angel told me of the SURE and CERTAIN date for the next Apocalypse, say November 11? Would I become an instant celebrity with piles of cash on my account? Would you donate you hard earned money, dear reader, to support my claim? I wish you would, but somehow I'm convinced that you wouldn't.
How unfair.
And I'm prettier than Harold Camping, too.
Wednesday 11 May 2011
The End of the World
Apparently, the world is going to end pretty soon. On the 21st of May, to be precise.
See, checking top Google keywords from time to time can really broaden your horizons. Now I can quickly run to a bank, get a huge loan and I still have almost two weeks for splashing it out in the most pleasurable ways.
Or maybe I should decide that some religious looneys hunting for hidden messages in the Bible are not that trustworthy after all and I might end up with a huge loan to pay.
See, that's the trick with Armageddon. It's been promised so many times that no one really believes it anymore.
I have a suspicious feeling that the proper one will not be foreseen by anyone and none of us will have a chance to get this loan, unfortunately.
In the meantime, it's really enjoyable to hunt for the most recent prophets. I only wonder how badly will their career suffer if nothing happens... I nearly feel sorry for them.
Oh, and did you know that Rome is scheduled to be flattened out today by a huge earthquake? It got so much publicity that a dramatic rise in school and work leaves has been noted. Well, the spring is in full bloom, the weather balmy and a day out in the country will do everyone good, so maybe we should have more of those predictions?
And if you want to find some really good stuff about the End, read Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. Much more enjoyable than paranoid scenarioes of the Bible-groupies.
See, checking top Google keywords from time to time can really broaden your horizons. Now I can quickly run to a bank, get a huge loan and I still have almost two weeks for splashing it out in the most pleasurable ways.
Or maybe I should decide that some religious looneys hunting for hidden messages in the Bible are not that trustworthy after all and I might end up with a huge loan to pay.
See, that's the trick with Armageddon. It's been promised so many times that no one really believes it anymore.
I have a suspicious feeling that the proper one will not be foreseen by anyone and none of us will have a chance to get this loan, unfortunately.
In the meantime, it's really enjoyable to hunt for the most recent prophets. I only wonder how badly will their career suffer if nothing happens... I nearly feel sorry for them.
Oh, and did you know that Rome is scheduled to be flattened out today by a huge earthquake? It got so much publicity that a dramatic rise in school and work leaves has been noted. Well, the spring is in full bloom, the weather balmy and a day out in the country will do everyone good, so maybe we should have more of those predictions?
And if you want to find some really good stuff about the End, read Terry Pratchett or Douglas Adams. Much more enjoyable than paranoid scenarioes of the Bible-groupies.
Monday 9 May 2011
How not to lose your money
Today, for a change, instead of a rant I'm going to post a very sound piece of advice.
It seems very simple, yet so many people tend to neglect it and pay mountains of cash which could be reduced to smallish hills with one simple action.
The word for today is... BILLS.
You know, those nasty piece of paper that stubbornly arrive to you in post (supposedly with twice the speed of cheques) and scream - GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!!!
My advice is this: read your bills. Read them carefully and if you have any doubts as to where something is coming from, contact your service provider immediately. With one simple question - why should I pay it and why this much?
It may seem dumb, right? But I've recently avoided paying extra 2000 euros (!!!) doing just that.
Might be happening only here in Ireland, but I'm noticing a trend that's becoming a standard practice of all the service providers. It's the habit of adding some funky amounts to your bill in hope you won't notice, or you'll be too busy or too shy to query it.
Well, I've heard of mobile phone companies who add only a few cents to all the bills and the cents add up to fortunes. I can live with that, but adding hundreds??? Just hoping you won't bother to give them a ring about it?????
A real life story to illustrate my point. I've received a renewal note of my car policy couple of weeks ago. The way it works, if you didn't ring the company, they would assume you accept the contract and would proceed to draw the money from your account by direct debit.
The rate on the renewal notice was more than 1500 euros. Excuse me? Twice the worth of my car?
I called their office and politely asked why am I supposed to pay this much. The lady on the other side of the line put me on hold for half an hour or so (OK, I'm exaggerating, but only slightly) and when she finally returned, she said - we've recalculated your rate and you're actually supposed to pay 500 euros, we're very sorry.
No, it's I who would be sorry if I didn't ring them and didn't refused to pay this absurd pile of cash. They can only be sorry that the trick didn't work.
I mean - oops, we've just told you to give us a 1000 euro just because we fancied the idea, we're very sorry that you've caught on?? Goddamnit!
So please, please, please, DO read your bills. And ring the bloody bastards. Even if you don't manage to knock some money off your bill, you'll surely have a chance to get rid of some excess venom from your system. Which is always something.
It seems very simple, yet so many people tend to neglect it and pay mountains of cash which could be reduced to smallish hills with one simple action.
The word for today is... BILLS.
You know, those nasty piece of paper that stubbornly arrive to you in post (supposedly with twice the speed of cheques) and scream - GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!!!
My advice is this: read your bills. Read them carefully and if you have any doubts as to where something is coming from, contact your service provider immediately. With one simple question - why should I pay it and why this much?
It may seem dumb, right? But I've recently avoided paying extra 2000 euros (!!!) doing just that.
Might be happening only here in Ireland, but I'm noticing a trend that's becoming a standard practice of all the service providers. It's the habit of adding some funky amounts to your bill in hope you won't notice, or you'll be too busy or too shy to query it.
Well, I've heard of mobile phone companies who add only a few cents to all the bills and the cents add up to fortunes. I can live with that, but adding hundreds??? Just hoping you won't bother to give them a ring about it?????
A real life story to illustrate my point. I've received a renewal note of my car policy couple of weeks ago. The way it works, if you didn't ring the company, they would assume you accept the contract and would proceed to draw the money from your account by direct debit.
The rate on the renewal notice was more than 1500 euros. Excuse me? Twice the worth of my car?
I called their office and politely asked why am I supposed to pay this much. The lady on the other side of the line put me on hold for half an hour or so (OK, I'm exaggerating, but only slightly) and when she finally returned, she said - we've recalculated your rate and you're actually supposed to pay 500 euros, we're very sorry.
No, it's I who would be sorry if I didn't ring them and didn't refused to pay this absurd pile of cash. They can only be sorry that the trick didn't work.
I mean - oops, we've just told you to give us a 1000 euro just because we fancied the idea, we're very sorry that you've caught on?? Goddamnit!
So please, please, please, DO read your bills. And ring the bloody bastards. Even if you don't manage to knock some money off your bill, you'll surely have a chance to get rid of some excess venom from your system. Which is always something.
Wednesday 4 May 2011
The language of marketing
I'm sure there's many doctors, professors and other big fish of the marketing world, who can all justify the fact that marketing uses the language that it does. I'm sure all the rules out there are well researched, have enormous impact on sales figures etc. etc.
I'm only wondering how does it bounce off against a normal, living, flesh and blood creature. I'm thinking - are people really THAT stupid?? Can it be???
But I'm racing to the point before giving you any background.
I've signed up to Irish Opinions quite a while ago, as a way of getting some much needed cash. It's one of the numerous pay-for-your-opinion portals that pays you for answering questions like 'What do you think of this particular brand of cheese?'. Oh, they pay. I must've cashed about 4 Tesco vouchers by now. They pay much less than they promise in their ads, but they DO pay, unlike many other portals out there.
The surveys are mostly boring. Sometimes unbelievably boring, rarely mildly interesting. I'm at the bottom edge of their popularity spectrum because I commit the crime of not watching any TV, but that's just my private little grudge, you don't need to agree with that. The thing, though, I find really, surrealistically, out-of-this-world insane is the sheer absurdity of some questions, which is closely connected to the language marketing uses these days. Let me give you an example:
How exited are you about this particular design of a cheese packaging?
Exited??? About cheese packaging? FFS! Is there anyone there, anyone at all, who gets excited by cheese packaging??? (For the record, I'm making the example up. I was never actually asked about cheese packaging. But I was asked about very similar things, using exactly the same vocabulary).
Just how pitiful your life would have to be for you to get excited about cheese packaging???
The only person whom I can imagine as mildly excited by any product's packaging is the one who actually designed the thing, and only if they really like their job. Which is quite an alien concept to me but what the hell, there are various sorts out there.
It looks like the marketing guys assume that all of us lead that kind of life, because this type of vocabulary crops up again and again in all kinds of marketing activity.
The disturbing detail is this - if it didn't work, would they bother still doing it?
Is the conclusion - yes, it works and we really do go for that kind of bullshit - sound and correct?
If so, I really think we deserve the Armageddon and hope like hell the Doomsayers of 2012 will be proven to be right.
I'm only wondering how does it bounce off against a normal, living, flesh and blood creature. I'm thinking - are people really THAT stupid?? Can it be???
But I'm racing to the point before giving you any background.
I've signed up to Irish Opinions quite a while ago, as a way of getting some much needed cash. It's one of the numerous pay-for-your-opinion portals that pays you for answering questions like 'What do you think of this particular brand of cheese?'. Oh, they pay. I must've cashed about 4 Tesco vouchers by now. They pay much less than they promise in their ads, but they DO pay, unlike many other portals out there.
The surveys are mostly boring. Sometimes unbelievably boring, rarely mildly interesting. I'm at the bottom edge of their popularity spectrum because I commit the crime of not watching any TV, but that's just my private little grudge, you don't need to agree with that. The thing, though, I find really, surrealistically, out-of-this-world insane is the sheer absurdity of some questions, which is closely connected to the language marketing uses these days. Let me give you an example:
How exited are you about this particular design of a cheese packaging?
Exited??? About cheese packaging? FFS! Is there anyone there, anyone at all, who gets excited by cheese packaging??? (For the record, I'm making the example up. I was never actually asked about cheese packaging. But I was asked about very similar things, using exactly the same vocabulary).
Just how pitiful your life would have to be for you to get excited about cheese packaging???
The only person whom I can imagine as mildly excited by any product's packaging is the one who actually designed the thing, and only if they really like their job. Which is quite an alien concept to me but what the hell, there are various sorts out there.
It looks like the marketing guys assume that all of us lead that kind of life, because this type of vocabulary crops up again and again in all kinds of marketing activity.
The disturbing detail is this - if it didn't work, would they bother still doing it?
Is the conclusion - yes, it works and we really do go for that kind of bullshit - sound and correct?
If so, I really think we deserve the Armageddon and hope like hell the Doomsayers of 2012 will be proven to be right.
Tuesday 3 May 2011
Irony of the Internet
I adore the Internet. I also quite passionately hate it (for reasons why, see my recent article here). The sheer strength of these feelings usually stops me from writing anything that isn't a froth-at-the-mouth rant or oversweetened praise. Unfortunately, ironic and funny pieces are the best read.
How luckily then that other people write about it too.
Here's a piece from The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams, the book I'm reading at the moment (and I don't need to tell you that it gives me heaps of pleasure. I mean it. It's not a sales-sarcastic bit, it's a really, really tasty, funny book. Go to a library if you have to, but read it). It wonderfully corresponds with my recent rants on marketing bullshit.
"...Well, first of all its [i.e. a brochure's, or an e-brochure to be precise] job is to persuade people to buy what you have to sell, and do it by being as glossy and seductive as possible and only telling people what you want them to know. You can't interrogate a brochure. Most corporate websites are like that. Take BMW, for instance. Its Web site is gorgeous and whizzy and it won't answer your questions. It won't let you find out what other people's experience of owning BMWs is like, what shortcomings any particular model might or might not have, how reliable they are, what they cost to run, what they're like in the wet, or anything like that. In other words, anything you might actually want to know. You can e-mail them, but your question or their answer - or anybody else's answer - will not appear on the site. Of course, there are plenty of Web sites where people do share exactly that kind of information, and they're only a few clicks away, but you won't find a word about them on BMW's site. In fact, if you want proper, grown-up information about BMW's, the last place you'll find it is at http://www.bmw.com/. ..."
Isn't it brilliant?
And so bloody true?
How luckily then that other people write about it too.
Here's a piece from The Salmon of Doubt by Douglas Adams, the book I'm reading at the moment (and I don't need to tell you that it gives me heaps of pleasure. I mean it. It's not a sales-sarcastic bit, it's a really, really tasty, funny book. Go to a library if you have to, but read it). It wonderfully corresponds with my recent rants on marketing bullshit.
"...Well, first of all its [i.e. a brochure's, or an e-brochure to be precise] job is to persuade people to buy what you have to sell, and do it by being as glossy and seductive as possible and only telling people what you want them to know. You can't interrogate a brochure. Most corporate websites are like that. Take BMW, for instance. Its Web site is gorgeous and whizzy and it won't answer your questions. It won't let you find out what other people's experience of owning BMWs is like, what shortcomings any particular model might or might not have, how reliable they are, what they cost to run, what they're like in the wet, or anything like that. In other words, anything you might actually want to know. You can e-mail them, but your question or their answer - or anybody else's answer - will not appear on the site. Of course, there are plenty of Web sites where people do share exactly that kind of information, and they're only a few clicks away, but you won't find a word about them on BMW's site. In fact, if you want proper, grown-up information about BMW's, the last place you'll find it is at http://www.bmw.com/. ..."
Isn't it brilliant?
And so bloody true?
The art of selling
There must be something to the art of selling, some knack that I'm afraid I'll never get.
Think logically for a while. What else is there to marketing than creating a big bullshit and pushing it to people? The not-exactly-lie-but-not-an-honest-truth-either type of bullshit. Oh, there are paragraphs for a direct lie in an ad (aren't there???) but what about the indirect one? Nobody cares.
Basically someone saying that his product is the best in the world must be either a giant egomaniac or a liar. As simple as that.
The whole sector of marketing is all about manipulation. About researching new ways of manipulating people (that is - you) into parting with their money. Nobody cares is you've had a delicious breakfast or have broadened your horizons. Once the 'paying' bit is done, nobody gives a shit.
Just think about it for a second - there's a whole sector out there whose main aim is to deceive you. To lie to you. They are well and kicking, they get government grants for scientific development etc, marketing is considered an honourable and successful career. Yet its whole point is develop new ways in which to lie to you so that you don't realise you're beaing lied to. Ah, wouldn't that be a perfect ad, when you have no idea why, but you simply have to buy THE thing. While the marketing guys know perfectly well why, sit and count the cash.
It's all perfectly legal, it's all considered perfectly normal, nobody rebels or argues. And it's not happening 'somewhere', it's happening here and now, in your home, in mine, on your TV, when you switch on your Internet, when you walk out to the street. It's all there. And nobody sees there's something wrong with it.
May it be that we, as a species, simply enjoy being manipulated? That our TV-softened brains are not able to handle the world without bullshit anymore?
Think logically for a while. What else is there to marketing than creating a big bullshit and pushing it to people? The not-exactly-lie-but-not-an-honest-truth-either type of bullshit. Oh, there are paragraphs for a direct lie in an ad (aren't there???) but what about the indirect one? Nobody cares.
Basically someone saying that his product is the best in the world must be either a giant egomaniac or a liar. As simple as that.
The whole sector of marketing is all about manipulation. About researching new ways of manipulating people (that is - you) into parting with their money. Nobody cares is you've had a delicious breakfast or have broadened your horizons. Once the 'paying' bit is done, nobody gives a shit.
Just think about it for a second - there's a whole sector out there whose main aim is to deceive you. To lie to you. They are well and kicking, they get government grants for scientific development etc, marketing is considered an honourable and successful career. Yet its whole point is develop new ways in which to lie to you so that you don't realise you're beaing lied to. Ah, wouldn't that be a perfect ad, when you have no idea why, but you simply have to buy THE thing. While the marketing guys know perfectly well why, sit and count the cash.
It's all perfectly legal, it's all considered perfectly normal, nobody rebels or argues. And it's not happening 'somewhere', it's happening here and now, in your home, in mine, on your TV, when you switch on your Internet, when you walk out to the street. It's all there. And nobody sees there's something wrong with it.
May it be that we, as a species, simply enjoy being manipulated? That our TV-softened brains are not able to handle the world without bullshit anymore?
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Just squidding!
Can you make money from Squidoo? Can you??
I have no idea.
I'm trying, of course, me being intensely opposed to brainwash included in being properly employed these days.
So far I haven't earned a penny, and I've been working on it for about 2-3 months.
The idea is really sweet, you write stuff, anything you want, anything at all, with this really easy web creation software they are supplying, and the money just starts flowing in.
It's a lovely, lovely dream, but, as many other things on the web, it may prove to be a dream only.
Whatever the answer to the main question, sure as hell you need to apply lots of time and energy to Squidoo if you want to see any outcome.
There's one optimistic factor. You can add a poll module to your lens and ask whatever question you want. Lots of people ask - have you made any money squidooing? And roughly 50% of the answers is 'yes'. So technically it's possible.
It is also possible that you earn money on Squidoo only if you are bloody well educated in SEO, online marketing and somesuch.
In case it is so, let me boost my chances by posting a full list of links to my lenses - hey, backlinks is THE thing in today's Internet.
Lens 1
Lens 2
Lens 3
Lens 4
Lens 5
Lens 6
Lens 7
Lens 8
Lens 9
Lens 10
Lens 11
Lens 12
Lens 13
Lens 14
I have no idea.
I'm trying, of course, me being intensely opposed to brainwash included in being properly employed these days.
So far I haven't earned a penny, and I've been working on it for about 2-3 months.
The idea is really sweet, you write stuff, anything you want, anything at all, with this really easy web creation software they are supplying, and the money just starts flowing in.
It's a lovely, lovely dream, but, as many other things on the web, it may prove to be a dream only.
Whatever the answer to the main question, sure as hell you need to apply lots of time and energy to Squidoo if you want to see any outcome.
There's one optimistic factor. You can add a poll module to your lens and ask whatever question you want. Lots of people ask - have you made any money squidooing? And roughly 50% of the answers is 'yes'. So technically it's possible.
It is also possible that you earn money on Squidoo only if you are bloody well educated in SEO, online marketing and somesuch.
In case it is so, let me boost my chances by posting a full list of links to my lenses - hey, backlinks is THE thing in today's Internet.
Lens 1
Lens 2
Lens 3
Lens 4
Lens 5
Lens 6
Lens 7
Lens 8
Lens 9
Lens 10
Lens 11
Lens 12
Lens 13
Lens 14
Sunday 24 April 2011
The Royal Keywords
Looking at today's Google hottest searches, you would never ever tell there's a royal wedding coming on, would you?
1. Mount Athos
2. Etta James
3. Jesus Christ Superstar
4. Sound of music
5. United
6. Cox
7. Flyers
8. Kevin Garnett
9. Princess Diana
10. Dfo
11. Prince Harry
12. Pedigree
13. Prince Charles
14. Treme
15. Insanity workout
16. Prince William
17. Philadelphia flyers
18. Peeps
19. Queen Victoria
20. Dwight Howard
1. Mount Athos
2. Etta James
3. Jesus Christ Superstar
4. Sound of music
5. United
6. Cox
7. Flyers
8. Kevin Garnett
9. Princess Diana
10. Dfo
11. Prince Harry
12. Pedigree
13. Prince Charles
14. Treme
15. Insanity workout
16. Prince William
17. Philadelphia flyers
18. Peeps
19. Queen Victoria
20. Dwight Howard
Tuesday 19 April 2011
Pay per post
I am willing to write anything about anything, as long as it doesn't get me kicked off blogger or sued.
Long live the art of sophistry!
Oh, you don't like the idea?
And do you really think that people writing commercials are genuinely excited by yoghurt?
Nobody seems to be pissed off with them!
Long live the art of sophistry!
Oh, you don't like the idea?
And do you really think that people writing commercials are genuinely excited by yoghurt?
Nobody seems to be pissed off with them!
Sunday 17 April 2011
Keywords of the day
Quality doesn't matter on the Internet anymore, keywords do.
Google does this wolderful Google Trends thing, and gives you a list of 20 most popular keywords in searches, updated every hour.
I want those keywords here.
Unfortunately, I'm not cynical enough to simply copy and paste and forget that someone is going to read that. I'll get there eventually.
Some of those keywords were all Greek to me at the first sight. Some proved to include tasty stories and pieces of information.
I'll get my keywords, you get the stories. Deal?
1. Chris Paul - a basketball player currently in New Orleans' Hornets. Today's performance in a game against LA Lakers caused instant love of web users.
2. 420 - that was a surprise. Apparently 420 is a short for cannabis culture. Who would've thought? In the 70's, in California, a bunch of teenagers were to meet at 4:20 to search for an abandoned ganja field they'd learned about. 420 became their codename and you know how ideas spread... And why today? April 20 is celebrated worldwide as a Cannabis Day. I guess people are getting ready to go out on the streets and are looking for witty banner slogans...
3. Juno - NASA's next big thing. A solar powered spaceship will be sent to Jupiter to learn more about this gigantic planet. Today the spacecraft arrived at the Kennedy Space Centre for final preparations.
4. Burn Notice - an American TV series, a 'spy-gets-screwed-by-his-employers' type. Apparently a new episode goes on TV tonight and people are quite excited about it.
5. Passover - Jewish Easter. Hopefully I'm not commiting any blasphemy in saying so. Funny enough, Easter did not make it to the first twenty.
6. Talladega - a city in Alabama, US. Population: a bit more than 15,000. Home to a Talladega Superspeedway, 4.28 km long racing track with a seating capacity of 175,000. It's a race day today!
7. Lil B - a rapper from California. Today he announced that his new album will be titled 'I'm Gay'. As in 'I'm Happy'. And suddenly everyone wants to know about him.
8. Sidekick 4G - a brand new smartphone. To a tech anachronist like me sounds like a codename from a spy movie, but apparently today everyone wants it.
9. The girl next door - a movie from 2004. Also a movie from 2007. Why is it so popular today, I have no bloody idea.
10. Passover recipes - millions of menus are being planned in advance. A proof that some people take their holidays seriously.
11. Roger Ebert - a movie critic, who few years ago lost his ability to speak due to cancer. He's now using computer voice generation technology to communicate and few days ago shared his experiences in a brand new talk for TEDtv.
12. San Antonio Spurs - a basketball team from Texas. A game vs Memphis is on tonight.
Here I give up. Only keywords from now on.
13. Superman returns.
14. War
15. Lakers
16. Elisha Cuthbert
17. Los Angeles Lakers
18. Harley Davidson
19. Holy week
20. LA Lakers
Google does this wolderful Google Trends thing, and gives you a list of 20 most popular keywords in searches, updated every hour.
I want those keywords here.
Unfortunately, I'm not cynical enough to simply copy and paste and forget that someone is going to read that. I'll get there eventually.
Some of those keywords were all Greek to me at the first sight. Some proved to include tasty stories and pieces of information.
I'll get my keywords, you get the stories. Deal?
1. Chris Paul - a basketball player currently in New Orleans' Hornets. Today's performance in a game against LA Lakers caused instant love of web users.
2. 420 - that was a surprise. Apparently 420 is a short for cannabis culture. Who would've thought? In the 70's, in California, a bunch of teenagers were to meet at 4:20 to search for an abandoned ganja field they'd learned about. 420 became their codename and you know how ideas spread... And why today? April 20 is celebrated worldwide as a Cannabis Day. I guess people are getting ready to go out on the streets and are looking for witty banner slogans...
3. Juno - NASA's next big thing. A solar powered spaceship will be sent to Jupiter to learn more about this gigantic planet. Today the spacecraft arrived at the Kennedy Space Centre for final preparations.
4. Burn Notice - an American TV series, a 'spy-gets-screwed-by-his-employers' type. Apparently a new episode goes on TV tonight and people are quite excited about it.
5. Passover - Jewish Easter. Hopefully I'm not commiting any blasphemy in saying so. Funny enough, Easter did not make it to the first twenty.
6. Talladega - a city in Alabama, US. Population: a bit more than 15,000. Home to a Talladega Superspeedway, 4.28 km long racing track with a seating capacity of 175,000. It's a race day today!
7. Lil B - a rapper from California. Today he announced that his new album will be titled 'I'm Gay'. As in 'I'm Happy'. And suddenly everyone wants to know about him.
8. Sidekick 4G - a brand new smartphone. To a tech anachronist like me sounds like a codename from a spy movie, but apparently today everyone wants it.
9. The girl next door - a movie from 2004. Also a movie from 2007. Why is it so popular today, I have no bloody idea.
10. Passover recipes - millions of menus are being planned in advance. A proof that some people take their holidays seriously.
11. Roger Ebert - a movie critic, who few years ago lost his ability to speak due to cancer. He's now using computer voice generation technology to communicate and few days ago shared his experiences in a brand new talk for TEDtv.
12. San Antonio Spurs - a basketball team from Texas. A game vs Memphis is on tonight.
Here I give up. Only keywords from now on.
13. Superman returns.
14. War
15. Lakers
16. Elisha Cuthbert
17. Los Angeles Lakers
18. Harley Davidson
19. Holy week
20. LA Lakers
Saturday 16 April 2011
I want YOU on my blog!
The idea is simple - I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
Here's my offer:
- if you follow this blog, I will follow yours (or a blog of yours choice)
- if you put a link to this blog on your website, I will put your link here
- if you need backlinks, simply paste your link as a comment. I need comments. No more than 3 links per comment, please. I'll mercilessly remove comments not sticking to this rule.
- if you need comments, please leave me a comment with where do you need me to comment
- if you need a feature piece, contact me. I'm sure we can strike a deal that would make both of us happy. Since this blog is a brand new blog, I'm willing to trade instead of sell.
- if you have any other idea for a mutually beneficial cooperation, do let me know.
Here's my offer:
- if you follow this blog, I will follow yours (or a blog of yours choice)
- if you put a link to this blog on your website, I will put your link here
- if you need backlinks, simply paste your link as a comment. I need comments. No more than 3 links per comment, please. I'll mercilessly remove comments not sticking to this rule.
- if you need comments, please leave me a comment with where do you need me to comment
- if you need a feature piece, contact me. I'm sure we can strike a deal that would make both of us happy. Since this blog is a brand new blog, I'm willing to trade instead of sell.
- if you have any other idea for a mutually beneficial cooperation, do let me know.
The Plan
There is nothing in the world that I enjoy more than reading advertisements, learning product recommendations by heart and finding out about all those wonderful places where I can spend my money. I think all the people placing this fabulous stuff on the web are real angels, providing creatures like me with fun, comfort and ways to satisty cravings, all without any personal gain at all. Long live the advertisers!
Bullshit? Of course.
But hell, looking at what's out there, why shouldn't I bullshit you to the best of my ability and not get away with it? The way today's marketing works, sales people are telling you that all their work is for YOUR good. Every single product out there is for your benefit only. What matters? Your satisfaction. Your health. Your delight. Your personal development. The fact that you're indirectly paying their salaries has nothing to do with it. At all.
I say screw it.
I'm trying to make my living online. This blog exists solely to earn me some cash (surprised?). I'm going to advertise like insane, recommend anything as long as someone pays me for doing so, every single link will be placed here for monetary reasons only. I'm going to use every dirty marketing trick I can get my hands on. And I'm going to tell you all about it as I'm doing so.
Why?
Because I have this whimsical idea for a social experiment.
Because I'm sick of bullshit.
Because I'm curious how many of you will get angry or disgusted if I keep reminding you that I'm advertising stuff to earn cash, not to make you happy.
Because I immensely enjoy calling things by their proper name.
I don't really hope I'll make a difference.
I hope I will make money.
And I will have some fun.
Bullshit? Of course.
But hell, looking at what's out there, why shouldn't I bullshit you to the best of my ability and not get away with it? The way today's marketing works, sales people are telling you that all their work is for YOUR good. Every single product out there is for your benefit only. What matters? Your satisfaction. Your health. Your delight. Your personal development. The fact that you're indirectly paying their salaries has nothing to do with it. At all.
I say screw it.
I'm trying to make my living online. This blog exists solely to earn me some cash (surprised?). I'm going to advertise like insane, recommend anything as long as someone pays me for doing so, every single link will be placed here for monetary reasons only. I'm going to use every dirty marketing trick I can get my hands on. And I'm going to tell you all about it as I'm doing so.
Why?
Because I have this whimsical idea for a social experiment.
Because I'm sick of bullshit.
Because I'm curious how many of you will get angry or disgusted if I keep reminding you that I'm advertising stuff to earn cash, not to make you happy.
Because I immensely enjoy calling things by their proper name.
I don't really hope I'll make a difference.
I hope I will make money.
And I will have some fun.
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