A deep thought flashed through my head recently (yes, it does happen sometimes). I was engaged in the thrilling activity of dishwashing and suddenly remembered all those TV ads, where thick layers of burnt grease dissolved instantaneously under a single drop of the washing-up liquid advertised. 'A lovely vision' I thought, ceasing scrubbing a pan to wipe the sweat from my brow. One little problem. I've washed a few pans in my life, not even mentioning baking trays, roasting dishes and innumerable armies of other assorted crockery, I've even used various washing-up liquids (some of them even known from tv ads) and never, NEVER have I seen such a magical scene unfolding. No grease of mine has ever been scared by a detergent, no matter how famous or well branded. Somehow, it always ended up with scrubbing. Is it me, I wonder? Is my world somehow flawed? Am I the only house-keeping woman in the world whose dishes stubbornly refuse to get cleaned by themselves? Is it a curse? An evil godmother's gift? 'No dishwashing miracles for you, my child' whispered slyly at my birth?
Funny thing - I don't think so. I find it far, far more likely that the advertisers simply try to stuff us full of bullshit. No dishes clean themselves, no matter what you pour on them, full stop. But if a poor, tired housewife believed they could, that the solution to greasy problems is only those few dollars (euros/pounds/enter your currency here) away, wouldn't she buy? Wouldn't she?
Another funny thing, I've never actually met any dish-washing person (whatever the sex or occupation) who believed this crap. I'm not a particularly sociable person, but of all the people I've ever met, not a single one declared belief in self-cleaning kitchen appliances. It is of course possible that so far I have been lucky enough to meet only highly intelligent people and didn't realise it but... Well, let's call it a statistical improbability, ok? I meet various people, most of them - average. Yet they still don't believe in the magic of washing-up liquid.
I would even hazard a guess that no one believes it. Or - as with Yeti or Bigfoot - there are individuals who believe in their existence, but the majority calls it a bluff for lack of evidence. No confirmed sightings, ladies and gentleman.
Yet the advertisers keep on insisting that their (and only their, mind you) particular brand will make the grease go away. No effort, no scrubbing, splash a drop and see how all the dirt goes away.
They keep on lying. We keep on knowing that they are lying. We keep on not believing them, more than that, we keep on NOT EXPECTING THEM TO BE TRUE ANYMORE. Everyone knows that you cannot trust advertisement so no one does. Yet it is still being manufactured by the tonne (eee... mega-tv-hour? giga-newspaper-column?), it is bought, sold, force-fed to unwilling recipients: tv viewers, magazine readers, Web-users, even innocent pedestrians or drivers, FFS!
Guess what, if I feel like fairy tales, I read brothers Grimm. At least they don't ask me to buy a fairy afterwards.
