I've been working on concept of 'no bullshit marketing' for quite a while now.
The whole idea was born from the fact that I'm literally sick because of the amount of crap advertising all around. The very word SALE gives me nausea, as it is slowly becoming the case with words like 'unique', 'hot', 'bargain' and the likes. The smell of bullshit surrounding them lingers stubbornly and can fuel my anger for hours at a time.
Ok, fine, but it's damn easy to say something is crappy and do nothing about it and I'm being a bit more ambitious here - I feel a need to suggest something INSTEAD of bullshit marketing. After all I also have a product to 'sell' - I'm a content writer and my very existence depends on my content finding a reader. If I don't talk about it, I am extremely unlikely to be found and there is not much I can do or say to make it less true (a friend of mine keeps suggesting that I show my tits off online - what a shame this is not my style, as it would probably work).
Here comes a difficult question: how to promote my own work knowing how much I hate people promoting their stuff? It looks impossible from the black/white perspective, at first sight the choice is between forgetting conscience and joining the worldwide crap production or quitting self-employment altogether and becoming a cog in someone else's machine (which would probably still equal producing crap, but I would at least have an excuse - someone made me do it!). Neither option looked even remotely interesting, but instead of giving up, I decided to dig deeper.
What if the way a product/service is promoted mattered? I looked closely at other people's marketing strategies and tried to determine some factors that drive me up the wall and guess what I've found - it's definitely not the fact that they do advertise and expect to be paid. Gosh, I don't have a slightest problem with that, just the opposite! So where was the culprit?
Right there, in most promoting materials available, and his name was BULLSHIT.
I hate being lied to. I hate when someone tries to bullshit me for any reason. I refuse to have anything to do with a person or a company who tries to manipulate me and deceive me from the moment we meet. I bet I'm not the only one - possibly I'm slightly more aware of this manipulation, but I'm sure most people would be just as angry as I if they only bothered to notice what's happening around them.
I have already written an article on how to translate bullshit advertising and what do the sellers REALLY tell their customers. You can find it here if you wish - I am quite happy with the way it turned out and I can promise you a laugh or two - so I'm not going to repeat myself in too many words. The biggest, most basic and most hurtful bullshit present in almost all existing advertising is this: we are here for you.
Oh? Are you? So if you win the lottery tomorrow, you will not leave your selling work immediately but continue writing marketing material FOR THE FUN OF IT? Rubbish.
I will believe no seller in the whole wide world who tries to feed me with lines like 'chosen for your satisfaction' and 'our aim is to serve'. What is wrong with saying: I am in this job to earn cash to survive? It is not something shameful, FFS! It's a fact of life - we need money to survive, earn or starve. If a seller believes in providing only high quality service to actually deserve the pay - fantastic. Talk about it! Say it loud and proud, it's a noble aim. But 'we are here to make you happy'? No, thank you, I'm not buying.
I still have a lot to think through before my idea is present in some shape, but I already know one basic, important rule that will be incorporated somewhere in the system: NEVER LIE. Never. Ever. Don't manipulate, don't 'forget' about facts, don't keep the ugly details secret. Transform them, so that you wouldn't have to feel ashamed talking about them. Then talk, with pride.
What do you think? Would you like to live in a world where you could actually believe advertisers instead of being perpetually on the lookout for the small print?
I know I would. And because I vividly remember Gandhi's words 'Be the change you want to see in the world', I'm commiting myself to create a no bullshit marketing strategy.
Wish me luck and hop on if it's your type of a ride.
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
Something to brag about
Aah, finally some recognition. One of my (gorgeous, fabulous and absolutely fantastic, obviously) lenses has made it to the top 100 of 2011 and then was voted even further, to the top 11. The fame! The pride! The glory! The traffic...
The lens in question is titled 50 things you can do to improve the world and is a shameless example of writing something that people will like. Or, a skillful compromise - my real thoughts stripped of all the cynical nastiness. If the world was a nice place, the lens would be 100% honest and truthful. I wonder, does applying some inner censorship makes a piece of writing dishonest? Or maybe I simply was a good girl for suppressing my inner anger at the world's injustice and believing for a second that the said world is worth the effort of saving it?
Anyway, it was awesome to feel seen and appreciated for those three days or so. Traffic was fantastic, feedback very encouraging and overall it felt great.
It is less great to see my five minutes of fame slowly passing by but hey - c'est la vie. I might even keep the rank high enough to actually earn some money off it.
Funny, when you think about it - obviously the lens is good, it wouldn't be chosen if it wasn't. Yet so far, in 6 months of its exinstence, it has earned a staggering $0.87. Just makes you think how Squidoo (and the Internet in general) work...
The lens in question is titled 50 things you can do to improve the world and is a shameless example of writing something that people will like. Or, a skillful compromise - my real thoughts stripped of all the cynical nastiness. If the world was a nice place, the lens would be 100% honest and truthful. I wonder, does applying some inner censorship makes a piece of writing dishonest? Or maybe I simply was a good girl for suppressing my inner anger at the world's injustice and believing for a second that the said world is worth the effort of saving it?
Anyway, it was awesome to feel seen and appreciated for those three days or so. Traffic was fantastic, feedback very encouraging and overall it felt great.
It is less great to see my five minutes of fame slowly passing by but hey - c'est la vie. I might even keep the rank high enough to actually earn some money off it.
Funny, when you think about it - obviously the lens is good, it wouldn't be chosen if it wasn't. Yet so far, in 6 months of its exinstence, it has earned a staggering $0.87. Just makes you think how Squidoo (and the Internet in general) work...
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Oops, I did it again...
Yesterday I woke up and realised that something terrible has happened.
I missed the end of the world.
*
*
*
No, seriously. Remember Harold Camping? The guy I wrote about in Armageddon that Didn't Happen and Apocalypse Schmapocalypse? After his May 21 Rapture failed to materialise, he annouced that it's only 6 months respite and the world will actually end on October 21.
You may have noticed (from the articles above if nothing else) how I'm a huge Camping fan. I find it amazing that the guy preaches, is heard and given money. Real, tangible, cold cash, paid to Camping's organisation in hope of (I presume) redemption before the Big Day. Un-be-lie-va-ble.
With all that, I simply missed the Apocalypse. I didn't notice it happening in any way whatsoever, so... I forgot. I completely ignored the Big Day.
Now, that's the kind of Armageddon I like.
I missed the end of the world.
*
*
*
No, seriously. Remember Harold Camping? The guy I wrote about in Armageddon that Didn't Happen and Apocalypse Schmapocalypse? After his May 21 Rapture failed to materialise, he annouced that it's only 6 months respite and the world will actually end on October 21.
You may have noticed (from the articles above if nothing else) how I'm a huge Camping fan. I find it amazing that the guy preaches, is heard and given money. Real, tangible, cold cash, paid to Camping's organisation in hope of (I presume) redemption before the Big Day. Un-be-lie-va-ble.
With all that, I simply missed the Apocalypse. I didn't notice it happening in any way whatsoever, so... I forgot. I completely ignored the Big Day.
Now, that's the kind of Armageddon I like.
Monday, 12 December 2011
Charitable outrage
Ho, ho, ho, Christmas is almost upon us and so are unnumerable charity collectors with their jingling boxes. No shop entrance is safe anymore, a busy street on a typical day sprouts at least ten of those dearest creatures and I even found a nativity scene in my local Tesco with a poorbox smartly tucked away in the corner. I do get irritated by those charity enforcers. I usually ignore them, but this year I wanted to actually say something about it, hence my lens Charity - to give or not to give?.
I started work on this article only mildly pissed off by the jingling boxes, but I did some research on the subject and what I found out turned me purple with rage. I found a website, 'charity navigator', which evaluates American charities, shows basics of each organisation's accounts and... salary of a top person. I nearly fainted when I saw those figures. $250,000 seems to be a standard pay, but more talented individuals cash in more than half a million bucks. Your bucks, dear reader, the very same money that you gave to this nice looking guy who told you some touching stories about poor kiddies and hungry souls, and how your donation will help save lives.
Yes, well, I agree that saving the children starts with your own home, but I don't think a shark pool is a necessary accessory for healthy growing up. I mean - what do they spend this kind of money on? A diamond studded toilet bowl? A ferrari for each family member?
You know what's the very ugliest thing in the whole business? People who GIVE to charity usually are not very well off themselves. They tend to understand suffering and poverty better, because it's not too far from their own doors. Many, many of them could probably use help of some charity themselves. And it's off their money that CEO's check is being paid.
I don't expect some big fish in a charity organisation to read this post and experience a change of heart - if you do something as disgusting, you probably carry a lump of stone in your chest and appealing to your conscience is no use. Instead, I hope some of you, dear donors, will read this carefully, draw your conclusions and perhaps hesitate before giving. Maybe ask some questions. Find out more about the organisation you want to support.
I tend to follow a simple rule when giving money to charity - if the collector looks better fed than me, I keep my wallet closed.
Oh, I almost forgot. This post is rather stingy on names, figures and other details, but the lens that was born out of all this research is just the opposite. I actually trawled through the list of charities that Squidoo donates to and listed salaries of presidents/CEOs/chairmen of all I could find. Do have a look, it's an eye-opener.
I started work on this article only mildly pissed off by the jingling boxes, but I did some research on the subject and what I found out turned me purple with rage. I found a website, 'charity navigator', which evaluates American charities, shows basics of each organisation's accounts and... salary of a top person. I nearly fainted when I saw those figures. $250,000 seems to be a standard pay, but more talented individuals cash in more than half a million bucks. Your bucks, dear reader, the very same money that you gave to this nice looking guy who told you some touching stories about poor kiddies and hungry souls, and how your donation will help save lives.
Yes, well, I agree that saving the children starts with your own home, but I don't think a shark pool is a necessary accessory for healthy growing up. I mean - what do they spend this kind of money on? A diamond studded toilet bowl? A ferrari for each family member?
You know what's the very ugliest thing in the whole business? People who GIVE to charity usually are not very well off themselves. They tend to understand suffering and poverty better, because it's not too far from their own doors. Many, many of them could probably use help of some charity themselves. And it's off their money that CEO's check is being paid.
I don't expect some big fish in a charity organisation to read this post and experience a change of heart - if you do something as disgusting, you probably carry a lump of stone in your chest and appealing to your conscience is no use. Instead, I hope some of you, dear donors, will read this carefully, draw your conclusions and perhaps hesitate before giving. Maybe ask some questions. Find out more about the organisation you want to support.
I tend to follow a simple rule when giving money to charity - if the collector looks better fed than me, I keep my wallet closed.
Oh, I almost forgot. This post is rather stingy on names, figures and other details, but the lens that was born out of all this research is just the opposite. I actually trawled through the list of charities that Squidoo donates to and listed salaries of presidents/CEOs/chairmen of all I could find. Do have a look, it's an eye-opener.
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
Inspiration through anger
I find anger inspiring. Am I strange?
No, seriously. Recently I have discovered that disagreement boosts my creativity sky high. I actually noticed it when visiting certain forum - I realised that I find posts I generally agree with extremely boring, but statements I want to argue with make me think like crazy.
A useful piece of self-awareness, if I've ever seen one. At least I can be grateful for all the shouting matches I've been through.
I also enjoy writing angry-ish articles (as you've probably noticed if you've read more of this blog). An obvious consequence of boosted creativity, I suppose.
Just to make it clear - angry doesn't necessarily mean rude (I have another outlet for that). I can even get away with G rating most of the time :).
It's impossible to look around and NOT TO get angry, I'm afraid. I think it's ok - if you channel your anger, it helps you change things.
My recent favourite anger source is unethical advertising. I'm right after publishing a full-fledged article titled 'How not to fall for bullshit advertising' (bullshit spelled BS for censorship reasons) and I'm actually quite proud of it. I think I will work some more on the subject. While ranting is extremely pleasant, I also have some solutions in mind - I'm researching the subject of ethical, decent advertising. We'll see where it gets me.
A note to you, dear reader - when I'm angry, I tend to be funny, so if you feel like being entertained, do check one of my Squidoo rants. So far I have been publicly spewing venom at the Internet, job interviews, apocalypse scares, halloween and Internet users' inability to criticise.
I also write 'nice' articles', but rants are so much more interesting!
No, seriously. Recently I have discovered that disagreement boosts my creativity sky high. I actually noticed it when visiting certain forum - I realised that I find posts I generally agree with extremely boring, but statements I want to argue with make me think like crazy.
A useful piece of self-awareness, if I've ever seen one. At least I can be grateful for all the shouting matches I've been through.
I also enjoy writing angry-ish articles (as you've probably noticed if you've read more of this blog). An obvious consequence of boosted creativity, I suppose.
Just to make it clear - angry doesn't necessarily mean rude (I have another outlet for that). I can even get away with G rating most of the time :).
It's impossible to look around and NOT TO get angry, I'm afraid. I think it's ok - if you channel your anger, it helps you change things.
My recent favourite anger source is unethical advertising. I'm right after publishing a full-fledged article titled 'How not to fall for bullshit advertising' (bullshit spelled BS for censorship reasons) and I'm actually quite proud of it. I think I will work some more on the subject. While ranting is extremely pleasant, I also have some solutions in mind - I'm researching the subject of ethical, decent advertising. We'll see where it gets me.
A note to you, dear reader - when I'm angry, I tend to be funny, so if you feel like being entertained, do check one of my Squidoo rants. So far I have been publicly spewing venom at the Internet, job interviews, apocalypse scares, halloween and Internet users' inability to criticise.
I also write 'nice' articles', but rants are so much more interesting!
Saturday, 19 November 2011
Christmas. Rubbish.
Blah, it's that time of the year again. Jingle damn bells and purses, buy, buy, buy, all in the name of our saviour. Yuck.
You know, I can quite live with Christmas itself. It lasts ONE DAY (say two if you will. Say three. Say even twelve, it's still far far away from what we're being served in all public spaces - if, due to salespeople of this world, Christmas starts on November 2nd, by the end of the month I'm sick of this stupid holiday and by the day itself I get a rash at the very sight of a Christmas tree. It's all your fault, Mr. Salesman!). It means mainly spending some time with my close family, with bloody good food in the background, with a possible walk along the blissfully empty streets later on. Fine by me. But...
I don't get excited by the whole show. I mean, what's so damn special about stupid tinsel (or holly, or stockings or whatever is the coolest Christmas gadget where you live)? I was happily buying the whole story until I was about 6 years old. Then I moved on. We live and learn. At least, some of us do...
I'm the least likely person in the world to fall a victim of Christmas advertisers. I'm simply bullshit-proof, at least when it comes to marketing, advertising and the likes. Even if I wasn't - most of the stuff on offer is so terribly, painfully kitschy and crappy that I have trouble believing someone actually buys it. Well, they do. Whatever happened to you, dear world... Anyway, if I'm committed NOT TO buy a thing before Christmas, why on Earth am I still bombarded with Christmas advertising? (And I don't really care whether you disguise it as an 'informative article' or not.) Why I cannot walk the street, visit a cafe or greengrocer's, read a paper, or check the Web without seeing or hearing Christmas advertising?
Now, a few messages for the businesspeople out there:
1. If I hear a Christmas carol coming from your shop, I won't enter unless I absolutely have to
2. If you try to sell me the 'Christmas spirit' bullshit, you will authomatically get onto my 'avoid' list
3. I will never buy anything marked as 'Christmas special'. I KNOW you're trying to rip me off, sunshine.
I know many people who think and act likewise. I will do my best to ensure there's more and more of them, so that they can spread the idea even further.
Consider yourself warned.
You know, I can quite live with Christmas itself. It lasts ONE DAY (say two if you will. Say three. Say even twelve, it's still far far away from what we're being served in all public spaces - if, due to salespeople of this world, Christmas starts on November 2nd, by the end of the month I'm sick of this stupid holiday and by the day itself I get a rash at the very sight of a Christmas tree. It's all your fault, Mr. Salesman!). It means mainly spending some time with my close family, with bloody good food in the background, with a possible walk along the blissfully empty streets later on. Fine by me. But...
I don't get excited by the whole show. I mean, what's so damn special about stupid tinsel (or holly, or stockings or whatever is the coolest Christmas gadget where you live)? I was happily buying the whole story until I was about 6 years old. Then I moved on. We live and learn. At least, some of us do...
I'm the least likely person in the world to fall a victim of Christmas advertisers. I'm simply bullshit-proof, at least when it comes to marketing, advertising and the likes. Even if I wasn't - most of the stuff on offer is so terribly, painfully kitschy and crappy that I have trouble believing someone actually buys it. Well, they do. Whatever happened to you, dear world... Anyway, if I'm committed NOT TO buy a thing before Christmas, why on Earth am I still bombarded with Christmas advertising? (And I don't really care whether you disguise it as an 'informative article' or not.) Why I cannot walk the street, visit a cafe or greengrocer's, read a paper, or check the Web without seeing or hearing Christmas advertising?
Now, a few messages for the businesspeople out there:
1. If I hear a Christmas carol coming from your shop, I won't enter unless I absolutely have to
2. If you try to sell me the 'Christmas spirit' bullshit, you will authomatically get onto my 'avoid' list
3. I will never buy anything marked as 'Christmas special'. I KNOW you're trying to rip me off, sunshine.
I know many people who think and act likewise. I will do my best to ensure there's more and more of them, so that they can spread the idea even further.
Consider yourself warned.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
How... boring
A question to all those SEO magicians and web millionaires out there - don't you find it extremely boring??? By 'it' I mean doing all those necessary things to bring traffic to your sites (paid advertisement excluded).
As probably every single webmaster in the world, sometimes I get frustrated by extremely low traffic. A long cursing session is my first aid, but once I've let some steam off, I usually surf around for phrases like 'How to increase traffic' etc. Tips I'm finding are usually pretty much the same: go on Facebook, Twitter, blah blah, be active in the forums, comment on other blogs, submit to directories and so on, ad infinitum. Yeah, right.
I'm not saying it wouldn't work. It might as well. Only it's... so. damn. extremely. BORING!!!
I don't know how it works with other people, but I'm not turned on by shallow socialising. I don't even get close to social networking websites because guess what - all they are is only one big popularity contest. I mean - what the hell, has the whole world suddenly turned into a permanent high school? One would think people grow out of it...
Nope. Apparently they don't.
The whole idea of being active on other blogs, forums etc... I thought leaving comments with the sole purpose of getting backlinks is considered SPAM? Well, of course, you're supposed to PRETEND you're very interested and radiate the oh-no-I'm-not-here-to-get-you-to-visit-my-website-at-all attitude. So, in other words, spam like hell but don't let anyone catch you and never, ever admit you're spamming.
Or directories and other article submission places. Write a short article about nothing (because come on, most of web content is just a lot of blah blah, served in politically correct sauce), then write ANOTHER article on how you wrote the article about nothing and perhaps write an article on writing an article on writing an article... Is this really how it's supposed to go?
How come nobody ever, EVER, mentions things like
- learn to write better. It doesn't mean you're not good, it only means you can get better, right? What's wrong with being a better wordsmith? Guess what, nobody seems to care, ha ha.
- think about your own web-browsing behavior. Think what you're rewarding with your traffic and your attention.
- how come we are all allowed to praise anything to high heaven (regardless of its worth) but any critique is met with howling dogs of communal fury? If this trend continues, I'm going to commit my life to browsing the web and leaving nasty comments on weak websites. Simply because nobody else dares to do it.
And so on.
Writing is great. Interacting with people is - well, if not great, then at least stimulating. Interacting with traffic gatherers is surrounded by a very nasty stench.
So how about - think twice before you publish another article on 'How to bring more traffic to your website'?
Please?
As probably every single webmaster in the world, sometimes I get frustrated by extremely low traffic. A long cursing session is my first aid, but once I've let some steam off, I usually surf around for phrases like 'How to increase traffic' etc. Tips I'm finding are usually pretty much the same: go on Facebook, Twitter, blah blah, be active in the forums, comment on other blogs, submit to directories and so on, ad infinitum. Yeah, right.
I'm not saying it wouldn't work. It might as well. Only it's... so. damn. extremely. BORING!!!
I don't know how it works with other people, but I'm not turned on by shallow socialising. I don't even get close to social networking websites because guess what - all they are is only one big popularity contest. I mean - what the hell, has the whole world suddenly turned into a permanent high school? One would think people grow out of it...
Nope. Apparently they don't.
The whole idea of being active on other blogs, forums etc... I thought leaving comments with the sole purpose of getting backlinks is considered SPAM? Well, of course, you're supposed to PRETEND you're very interested and radiate the oh-no-I'm-not-here-to-get-you-to-visit-my-website-at-all attitude. So, in other words, spam like hell but don't let anyone catch you and never, ever admit you're spamming.
Or directories and other article submission places. Write a short article about nothing (because come on, most of web content is just a lot of blah blah, served in politically correct sauce), then write ANOTHER article on how you wrote the article about nothing and perhaps write an article on writing an article on writing an article... Is this really how it's supposed to go?
How come nobody ever, EVER, mentions things like
- learn to write better. It doesn't mean you're not good, it only means you can get better, right? What's wrong with being a better wordsmith? Guess what, nobody seems to care, ha ha.
- think about your own web-browsing behavior. Think what you're rewarding with your traffic and your attention.
- how come we are all allowed to praise anything to high heaven (regardless of its worth) but any critique is met with howling dogs of communal fury? If this trend continues, I'm going to commit my life to browsing the web and leaving nasty comments on weak websites. Simply because nobody else dares to do it.
And so on.
Writing is great. Interacting with people is - well, if not great, then at least stimulating. Interacting with traffic gatherers is surrounded by a very nasty stench.
So how about - think twice before you publish another article on 'How to bring more traffic to your website'?
Please?
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