This article was written in the purest flash of inspiration during all of my career in online writing (well, so far). It practically wrote itself.
I had just spent a few hours surfing the Web, browsing piles of rubbish, drowning in ads, reading the nightmarish absurdities and being drained out of energy in the speed of light. I recall I was also pretty angry then for personal reasons, and mixture of these circumstances fruited with the edgy, slightly sarcastic and unexpectedly funny piece on dark side of the Internet.
I generally like the Web, you know. I work with it, goddamnit. I've stumbled upon great things/acts/people/ideas that otherwise I would have no chance to meet. But let's be honest - the really good stuff takes up maybe 10% of the web space, the rest is total (and mostly corporate) shit fountain. Looking for something funky is sometimes satisfying, because it closely resembles treasure hunt.
On other days I just feel I'm drowning in shit.
Writing about it was an effective way of letting the steam off, and the result is actually pretty good.
Bon appetit.
Showing posts with label internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label internet. Show all posts
Friday, 1 July 2011
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
The Internet World War I
Human kind (that is us!!) seems to have real trouble with existing for a few years running without any war. Just look at any history book. We all got neighbours, after all, and sometimes they just get TOO irritating.
Here's a solution to end all bloodshed but still allow the steam to go off - let's start the Internet World War I!
We'll take all the fuming, testosterone packed politicians and we'll install them in cyber headquarters. Then everybody able to hold the mouse will be drafted as a common soldier. We'll choose the Allies and the Axis (because you have to have teams!) and we'll let them shoot computer viruses at each other. Or create a gigantic battlefield - forum, where they (us!) will be allowed to throw abuses at each other without any moderation. The most witty punches will be rewarded with extra points.
We may even create a huge, World of Warcraft style virtual battle arena and let them all hit each other with sticks. Or anything else.
There has to be jury, too - after all who will reward point? Geneva is boring, let's have an X-Factor style judging board. I suggest Sid Meiers (if you happen not to know - he's THE creator of Civilisation game), Bill Gates and - oh well - Simon Cowell (he may not know anything about cyber wars but at least everyone will be laughing at his venomous comments). Mothers and children can send text messages (=amunition packages) with their votes, and the incomes will be used to fund pizza for computer-bound soldiers.
Atomic bombs will not be allowed, because they get too many players disconnected.
There will be cyber-spies, cyber-snipers, cyper-sappers, cyber-commandoes and cyber-everything.
IT specialists, as the most important units, will get extra cyber in their title (as in cyber-cyber-specialists), but to keep it as real as possible - they won't do any real work, they'll just hang around thinking up pranks to keep the troops amused.
Ain't that better than Hiroshima?
PS. All rights reserved. If you ever decide to go and fight the cybernetic world war, remember I thought of it first and you pay royalties to me!
Sincerely yours
General Cyber-Cyber-Cyber
Here's a solution to end all bloodshed but still allow the steam to go off - let's start the Internet World War I!
We'll take all the fuming, testosterone packed politicians and we'll install them in cyber headquarters. Then everybody able to hold the mouse will be drafted as a common soldier. We'll choose the Allies and the Axis (because you have to have teams!) and we'll let them shoot computer viruses at each other. Or create a gigantic battlefield - forum, where they (us!) will be allowed to throw abuses at each other without any moderation. The most witty punches will be rewarded with extra points.
We may even create a huge, World of Warcraft style virtual battle arena and let them all hit each other with sticks. Or anything else.
There has to be jury, too - after all who will reward point? Geneva is boring, let's have an X-Factor style judging board. I suggest Sid Meiers (if you happen not to know - he's THE creator of Civilisation game), Bill Gates and - oh well - Simon Cowell (he may not know anything about cyber wars but at least everyone will be laughing at his venomous comments). Mothers and children can send text messages (=amunition packages) with their votes, and the incomes will be used to fund pizza for computer-bound soldiers.
Atomic bombs will not be allowed, because they get too many players disconnected.
There will be cyber-spies, cyber-snipers, cyper-sappers, cyber-commandoes and cyber-everything.
IT specialists, as the most important units, will get extra cyber in their title (as in cyber-cyber-specialists), but to keep it as real as possible - they won't do any real work, they'll just hang around thinking up pranks to keep the troops amused.
Ain't that better than Hiroshima?
PS. All rights reserved. If you ever decide to go and fight the cybernetic world war, remember I thought of it first and you pay royalties to me!
Sincerely yours
General Cyber-Cyber-Cyber
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